Temporary Home
by xXxDatenshi BluexXx
Summary: None of them ever thought Minnesota was just a temporary home, but even so, you can't run away from your problems, even if you're thousands of miles away from them. Rated M for a reason. Full summary inside. On  possibly permanent  Hiatus.
1. Outcast

Title-Temporary Home

Genre-Friendship/angst/hurt/comfort/drama/romance

Rating-M

Pairings- KendallxJo and LoganxCamille in later chapters

Warnings- Drug and alcohol use, child neglect and abuse, cutting, attempted suicide, cussing, very slight, non-graphic mentions of sex, partying, gang violence, heavy angst, etc

Summary- Kendall Knight never thought he could save someone's life, because he had barely saved his own. James Diamond didn't think anyone would ever even try to learn who he really was behind the "Too cool for you" façade and the vanity, because he was "The Face" to everyone, and that was all he would ever be. Carlos Garcia never thought he was good enough for anyone or anything, because if he were, someone would stick by his side and back him up on something, anything. Logan Mitchell never thought he would reach his goals and make something of himself, because he was stuck in the alley day in and day out trying to escape his miserable life back home. And none of these four boys ever thought that Minnesota was just a temporary home. But you can't run away from your past, even if you're thousands of miles away from it.

It took me forever to get chapter one exactly how I wanted it, because per usual, the first chapter was the only one I had writers block for, but, I think I finally got it good enough to where I can accept it. I warn you, I had no beta-reader, but I hope you enjoy. Each chapter will have it's own summary, rating, and warnings and such, just so you get an idea of what's going on. J Each chapter will also have song lyrics to go with it, as each song is what I listened to while writing the chapter, and it gave me the inspiration I needed. Enjoy~!

Chapter One- Outcast

Rating- T

Warnings- Drugs, Logan being a very very bad kid, and James being a bitch :D

Summary- Kendall is the new student, and he feels drawn too three very different people, one in particular. What in the world did Carlos Garcia ever do too be such an outcast?

* * *

"Everything's so blurry, and everyone's so fake, and everybody's empty, and everything is so messed up. I'm pre-occupied without you, I cannot live at all. My whole world surrounds you, I stumble then I crawl. You could be my someone, you could be my scene, you know that I'll protect you, from all of the obscene. I wonder what you're doing, imagine where you are. There's oceans in between us, but that's not very far."

~Blurry by Puddle Of Mudd

_

* * *

_

_When I grow up, I wanna be famous, I wanna be a star, I wanna be in movies_

James Diamond closed his eyes, taking in each word as they blasted into his ears. He absorbed the emotion in the lyrics, getting into the beat. He could almost feel the hot lights on his skin, and hear the crowd cheering his name. It was the best feeling of his life.

He felt the air get knocked out of him as he was thrown forward roughly as his dad slammed on the breaks of the car. James huffed, pushing himself into the leather seat he was in, crossing his arms.

"Calm yourself, _princess_." his dad complained, as he waited for the light to turn green already so he could get James to school before he was late again.

"Don't call me that." James muttered, his voice dripping with the venom that made everyone he knew other than his parents cower.

"Well, if you hadn't been too busy primping yourself to make your bus, then I would treat you like the fifteen year old boy you are, instead of a preppy little girl!"

James resisted the urge to kick the seat in front of him, and instead went back to focusing on the music blaring through his headphones to block out the argument and everything else that would hinder his mood any further.

_When I grow up, I wanna see the world, drive nice cars, I wanna have groupies_

The school was getting closer and closer, and James leaned forward, hand on the door handle, ready to get out of this stupid car. He was sick of fighting with his dad and he was sick of being cramped in this small space with no one to talk to. He was too much of a social butterfly for this shit.

_When I grow up, be on TV, people know me, Be on magazines. When I grow up, fresh and clean, number one chick when I step out on the scene._

James was glad that his father couldn't hear the music playing from his earphones over the rumble of the engine, because it would have surely brought along more harsh accusations of how James was more of a daughter than a son. The car came to a halt and James jumped out of the car, book bag in check, and without a goodbye from either of them, his dad drove off and neither glanced back once.

James spotted his group heading towards him, and he quickly pulled out a mirror and a small black comb from the pocket of his leather jacket. He ran the comb through his seemingly perfect brown hair and put the mirror away, flashing his peers a pearly white smile. It was fake, but they didn't catch on. They never did. And he made no effort to question them if they were putting on a smile for show. Fact of the mater was, none of them gave a damn enough to ask.

James was used to being treated like a celebrity at his high school. He was the top-dog. He got all the glitz and the glam and the social attention and he took it with pride and confidence.

_Be careful what you wish for cuz' you just might get it, you just might get it, you just might get it_

James yanked the ear buds out of his ears and smirked. Oh, he didn't need to wish, he had all the fame he needed for now, and one day, he would take it to a whole other level.

"You weren't on the bus! We were so bored without you." a blonde girl with bright green eyes exclaimed, clapping her hands together and grinning. James couldn't remember her name.

"Did you wake up late?" another girl asked, tapping a finger to her lip and smirking in a way James could only guess was an attempt and being sexy or something of the sort. He couldn't quite place a name to her, but he was sure it was Whitney or something like that. He was pretty sure he went with her to a party over the weekend, but he couldn't remember the details.

"Even so, you look amazing, as usual." her smirk grew, and she rubbed her hand up and down his arm, and all he did was smirk at the normal attention he was getting. He was so damned used to this, he was numb to it.

"Well what do you expect?" one of his friends, Seth, asked. "He is 'The Face' after all."

* * *

Carlos Garcia was walking as slowly as possible to the front door of the school for another day of hell. He honestly would have been anywhere else right now. Like with his annoying aunt who liked to pinch his cheeks and tell him how 'adorable' he was, even though he was fifteen damn years old! Or in a coma, perhaps. Anywhere but school.

He knew he should have been hurrying as to not be late. He knew the consequences he alone faced if he were late, and despite knowing this, he for some reason felt as though the slower he walked, the less likely he was to ever get there. Then maybe none of it would ever happen.

_Damnit, Carlos, no wonder no one wants to hang out with you._

He stopped, frowning, wishing he could just turn back now and run, but if his parents caught him skipping school again, the punishment would be almost as bad as what he had to endure at school. His dad was a cop, after all.

He took in a deep breath and marched forward, trying to look like he had some confidence inside him. Oh if only he could fool himself into thinking something so absurd, then maybe he could convince others to think the same. No, he would never be that lucky.

He had a feeling maybe he would get to school without a problem this one day, and that calmed him, but instead of filling him with relief or happiness, it only made him feel numb. But that was better than anxiety, he supposed.

When he spotted the cool gang, though, that anxiety came rushing back to him, and he felt like he was going to throw up. His legs wobbled under his weight, and his palms were sweating.

_Oh god, I'd rather get jumped and beaten up like last Monday then have to deal with them. Anything but them…_

Carlos sped up his walking, keeping his eyes on the front door of the school.

_Left foot, right foot, left foot, right foot, breath, breath, just breath_

He almost got past them, but one girl saw it fit to shove the short little Latino boy onto the pavement. He wasn't sure whether she had meant to knock him down, but the cruel gleam in her eyes told him she had.

"Aw, lookie here, it's little Carlos." the girl smirked, circling him. "Late again? What a shame."

She nodded to the group of popular kids to her side, encouraging them to join in on the torment.

"Yeah, for him. But not for us." Seth grinned, then faked an apologetic look. "Are you hurt, kid? Maybe you should just run home to your mommy and daddy like you did last time."

Carlos shut his eyes, trying not to let them see how much their words hurt him. His hands were balled into fists, but he had no courage to punch him, he knew he couldn't fight back. All he could do was try not to cry until they got bored with tearing him down and left him on the concrete until he was brave enough to go to class and risk facing them again.

"Oh, are you gonna cry? Look kid, no use in coming to a school where you're outcast." James stated, towering over him like a skyscraper. Carlos felt so small and petrified, and all he could do was stare up at him and keep his cool. The sun reflected off of the sunglasses on top James head and nearly blinded Carlos.

He put his hands over his eyes, giving the illusion that he was crying, which in all honestly was all he really wanted to do at this point.

"Why don't you just go home." James looked sympathetic for almost two seconds before all eyes were on him, and he snapped back to his mean self. "Nobody wants you here, and you get it proven to you day after day. Why do you keep coming back?"

"I have no idea." Carlos snapped, a single tear rolling down his cheeks. He jumped up and ran as fast as he could.

He slammed open the front doors of the school and ran into the bathroom to hide. He was late, again, and though he wanted to get to homeroom before James did, so he could sit there and pretend to be busy working on homework or something, he couldn't move. He collapsed to his knees on the bathroom floor, buried his face in his hands and cried silently, something he had learned to do after a year and a half of being brutally tormented in this hell-hole of a high school by James and his prep-posse.

_Why don't you just go home? Why don't you just go home?_

The words repeated in Carlos' head over and over and it just made him cry harder.

He so much would have preferred getting beaten up by the jocks who liked to target him for being so much shorter and weaker. They were just doing what came naturally; picking on the people smaller than you. They weren't just doing it because they started rumors about him, or learned his secrets one way or another and wanted to make him regret not committing suicide instead of coming to school! They just needed a weak target to bully to show how tough they were.

James and his friends wanted to get inside his head. They wanted to tear him down, and make him cry, and watch him suffer. He was sure they wanted him to skip class, or to kill himself, just so they would have the sick satisfaction of being able to say they won.

_Why don't you just go home? Why don't you just go home? _

Carlos wanted nothing more than to do just that. Forever.

* * *

'_You can do this.'_

'_I can't'_

'_You're Kendall Knight. You can do anything.'_

'_You know I can't'_

The girl Kendall was currently having a stare down with sighed heavily, frowning. He frowned right back at his younger sister, needing her to understand that this was completely different. He couldn't do anything. He couldn't fix things like he used to back in New York. He couldn't protect her, and he didn't know if he was going to be able to protect himself.

Kendall had no idea how to go to new school and live a normal life as a normal kid, because 'normal' wasn't properly stored and defined in his head. He didn't know how to sit in class and listen and learn, because up until now, he had known everything he had ever needed. But life was about to become completely different for the Knight family.

The tables had turned.

Kendall sighed heavily, closing his eyes and trying to clean his head. When he looked back at his nine year old sister, he tried to smile

'_We should be happy, you know…?' _

His eyes said one thing, but the far off look in his eyes told a completely different story.

'_The first step is to face your fear, bro.'_

He had learned at a young age to read her eyes perfectly, and she had learned the same. Their eyes just seemed to tell more that they couldn't get out in words.

Honestly, Kendall wasn't quite sure what he was so worried about. It was just school. Yet, the thought of it made his whole body go numb, because he knew that he wouldn't fit in here. The only thing he had had to worry about before was surviving, now he had so much more to worry about. He wondered whether this was better or not.

Kendall shook his head, glaring down at his hands that were clenched in fists.

"No." he mumbled to himself, and Katie understood what he was talking about.

"Go." she smiled gently, giving her older brother a hug.

_She's so strong. _Kendall smiled to himself. _I taught her well. Now if only I could do the same maybe, I'd get somewhere._

"Bye Mom." Kendall murmured, smiling at his mother who just nodded surely.

He hopped out of the car, but before he made his way to the front doors, he looked back at Katie and mouthed; _Wish me luck_

She mouthed back a simple; _Luck_

Kendall smiled again, for real this time, and walked towards the front of the school. Seeing no people inside, he knew he was late, and he rolled his eyes at his mistake of taking too long. Now the situation would only be more uncomfortable. Then again, he was used too being uncomfortable anyway. Maybe life wouldn't be so different here like he thought…

He placed his clammy hands on the cold handle of the front door. He felt like there was a weight on his shoulders, and a barrier was preventing him from opening the door and going inside. He rested his forehead on the glass window in the door and sighed for what seemed like the millionth time that morning.

_You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You can-_

Kendall suddenly felt himself being thrown forward, and before he knew it he was inside the school, on his hands and knees. He looked up in shock and annoyance, only to see a tan boy looking down at him.

He could tell even from his sitting position on the floor that the boy was shorter than him, and he was wearing normal clothes, and carrying a book bag like any other student would be, and nothing seemed out of place about him.

Well, other than the fact that he was staring down at Kendall like he had just done the most extraordinary thing the boy had ever seen in his life.

"Uhm…?" Kendall gave him a strange look, looking around him for any indication of why he was staring at him like that. Finding nothing, he began to get up.

"Oh,..oh! Sorry." he exclaimed, extending his arm to help Kendall up.

"So, uhh, are you…new here?"

Kendall brushed himself off a little. This was the first time he had had new clothes in as long as he could remember, and he wanted them to stay clean.

"Yeah." was all he could think of too say.

"I'm Carlos-" the teen said, but then immediately looked away, looking freaked out as if he had just announced some sort of secret Kendall wasn't supposed to know.

"Kendall."

"Soo,….."

Kendall frowned. He was truly curious as too whether Carlos had just been trying to be nice, but now wanted a way out of this awkward conversation, or whether he actually wanted a _real_ conversation. Kendall decided to test him.

"Well, I should be getting too class." Kendall stated, begging Carlos with his eyes to say something, anything!

"Ok."

Anything other than that, that is.

Without another word, Kendall turned on his heels and walked off down the hallway, feeling numb and empty. He was in such an annoyed state that he stormed into the homeroom that his schedule said he was assigned to without thinking. The teacher stopped talking, the kids stopped talking, and all eyes were directly on him.

_Keep calm, keep calm_

"I'm Kendall Knight. I'm new." he said in monotone.

The teacher started looking over a sheet of paper, then nodded at him to sit down. He looked around the room for a moment. Everyone was in their own little groups, whispering and snickering. Kendall wondered whether there was something wrong with the way he looked, but assumed that it was because of his "new kid" status.

He spotted an empty seat near a boy with straight brown hair, shiny teeth, and the cliché "I'm so cool" aura. Not exactly Kendall's cup of tea, but he figured if he could befriend this kid and his group, this place may not be such of a hell hole.

He sat down beside the boy, who immediately stopped talking to his crew and stared at him. Kendall sat perfectly still, meeting his gaze, feeling uncomfortable. He looked at the clock out of the corner of his eye, feeling as if time was moving in slow motion.

James looked Kendall up and down, as if trying too spot anything wrong with him. Apparently he found something, because he turned away and started talking again, not bothering to even say a word to his new classmate.

Kendall sighed, resting his cheek on his palm, and James spun away, looking ever-so-slightly offended.

"Do you have a problem?"

'_I'm sorry, I didn't know me sighing offended you so much, you arrogant asshole.'_ was what Kendall _wanted_ to say.

A tiny "No" came out instead, and James snickered and turned away again.

Kendall bit his lip, trying to keep calm, and watched the door to distract himself. It opened slowly and the boy he had met before in the hallway walked in, looking lost and jumpy.

The teacher merely rolled her eyes, and Carlos took an empty seat in the front, keeping his eyes down on his desk.

"Hey!" James whisper-yelled, and Carlos jumped before looking over.

Kendall noticed something he hadn't before. Carlos' face was a bit red, and his eyes looked kind of like he had been crying.

"Crybaby." James whispered, and his group laughed harshly.

Carlos tried to glare, but he looked too scared to be intimidating.

Kendall wanted to say something so badly, but he didn't know what to say, so he kept an eye on both of them, trying to be discreet.

"I suggest you go home before you get hurt," James whispered with a smile. "_outcast."_

Kendall emitted a jagged breath, and was thankful no one cared enough too notice. He wanted too teach this jerk a lesson. But he knew he couldn't. What could he do?

Kendall noticed Carlos had laid his head down on his desk, and Kendall could only hope the poor guy wasn't in tears. He felt drawn to him, like he needed to help him and be his friend. He knew both of them needed a friend, and besides, if he didn't befriend someone soon, his fate would be just as bad as Carlos'.

_Outcast….No one deserves to be an outcast. What did he do to make them hate him so much?_

* * *

"There are purple unicorns dancing in the subway!"

"When we go to class, leave him here."

A well-built, tall teen, around the age of seventeen, leaned against the wall in an alley with four other teenagers surrounding him.

"Are we just gonna leave him in the alley alone all day? He's fucking crazy, he'll probably get hurt somehow." the boy laughed, breathing in the smoke from his cigarette.

"Oh well, that's what he gets for getting that high before class." a shorter, blackish-brown haired boy shrugged from his sitting position on the concrete floor.

"We could lock him in that abandoned building next door so he doesn't get hit by a car again." a blond and black haired girl muttered, laying her head on the shoulder of the boy who had spoken before.

"I said leave him. He's been pissing me off since yesterday." the boy complained, yawning and taking in another breath of smoke.

"Well, someone's pissy today. What's wrong boss, hard night last night?" a blonde boy, around his age named Chris, asked after taking a sip from his beer can.

"You have _no _idea." he muttered. He was the leader of this group of thugs. They did what he wanted, when he wanted, and that was that. Because truth be told, despite the fact that he wasn't as well built as muscular as the other three boys in his little gang, they were old afraid of him for one reason or another. Plus, they needed him.

His name, was Logan Mitchell.

"Dude, Logan, if we ain't skippin' today, we better get going." the taller boy, Duncan, stated, picking up his book bag. He would have loved to not go to school today, but Logan had decided for his own reasons that they weren't.

"Pretty pink leprechauns." the high boy in the corner giggled loudly.

"Yeah, leave Michael here, he'll blow our cover." Logan rolled his eyes, taking one last puff of his cigarette before dropping it on the ground and stepping on it as he walked out of the alley.

"Logie, I don't want to go today." the girl who was now hanging all over Logan whimpered. She was practically like Logan's little whore, except they never did anything more than make out. But the rumors that spread around their school like tornados told a different story, and Vanessa soon became known as Racy-V. She didn't care, and neither did the guys.

"We're going." Logan said simply, and that quieted all further complaints.

They entered the building and all four of them offered their goodbyes before they each went their separate ways for homeroom.

Really not in the mood for courtesy, Logan kicked open the door and made his way into the classroom and sat down, ignoring all the eyes that fell on him. Some annoyed, some scared by his mere presence, and one questioning look he actually took time to notice from a new kid he didn't recognize.

The teacher was obviously used to his behavior by now because she merely sighed loudly and went back to what she had been previously doing.

* * *

Kendall looked between James, Carlos and Logan with raised eyebrows. He felt strangely drawn to each of them, but they all seemed so different. He knew making friends took some effort but this was a little overboard. It felt like they were all oceans apart.

But, he had to start somewhere.

"Hey." Kendall whisper-yelled in Carlos' direction.

The boy looked up, and his face was more red than before and it made Kendall's stomach turn. This school was brutal.

"Have lunch with me?" he mouthed, hoping for the best.

Carlos looked honestly horrified.

Kendall wanted to smile, but he had some odd feeling that told him that would give Carlos the impression he was being nice just to mess with him later, because it seemed Carlos went through that far to often.

So instead, he just showed his honest feelings in his face. He was worried, paranoid, scared, and he needed a friend just as bad as Carlos did.

Carlos almost smiled, and mouthed an OK.

* * *

Well, I hope there was _someone_ who enjoyed that. :)

This will be a very long story, I have it all mapped out on a four page timeline, so I hope this grabbed your attention.

The next chapter will probably be out sometime in the next day or two.

Review and tell me what you thought! :D


	2. For Better Or For Worse

Chapter 2- For Better Or For Worse

Rating-T

Warnings- Bullying, lots and lots of bullying

Summary- Kendall and Carlos finally have someone to back them up; each other. But will James and his friends push Kendall too far tear this happy little friendship apart?

* * *

"If you want too, I can save you. I can take you away from here. So lonely inside, so busy out there, and all you wanted was somebody who cares. All you wanted was somebody who cares, if you need me, you know I'll be there."

~All You Wanted By Michelle Branch

* * *

Carlos sat alone at a lunch table in the corner, away from the rest of his peers who whispered and laughed. It wasn't entirely the fact that they made fun of him and talked about him that truly bothered Carlos, it was the fact that they didn't try to hide it.

_Probably because they know I can't fight back. _Carlos thought bitterly. He wasn't good enough for them. He never had been, and he never would be. They have completely brainwashed him into thinking that every insult and every lie was true, and that he really wasn't worth anything, just like they said.

_Because if I were, somebody would stick by my side and be my friend. Someone would back me up on something…anything_

He tapped on the table, looking around for Kendall, who had promised to eat lunch with him. Well, it hadn't been a promise, but when it came to Carlos, it may as well have been. Someone actually wanted to eat lunch with him. Or, so he thought.

He didn't seen Kendall anyway and he worried that the boy had been toying with him, getting his hopes up just to crush them. Just like everyone else at this god damn school did.

Carlos rested his face in his palms, breathing slowly and trying not to cry. He was a crybaby, just like James always called him, and he knew it was true. After all the torture he had been through, he'd think he would have run out of tears a long time ago. He wondered whether feeling numb would be better than depression.

Maybe then it wouldn't hurt as much.

"Hey!"

Carlos snapped his head up, thinking he heard Kendall's voice, but it was another student, greeting someone else at a different table. Carlos glared. How could they not see how lucky they were. Everyone else had friends, everyone else had a clique, everyone else actually had a fucking reason to come to this school every day. What did he have?

Nothing.

"What are you waiting on?"

Carlos was taken off guard at the harsh question and the smell of smoke and alcohol. He nearly fell out of his chair, and he looked up to see Logan and his thugs. Now he was scared. Logan was dangerous, and Carlos knew it. Worst of all, Carlos was a weak little cry baby, and Logan knew that, and he was the type of person who would take full advantage of that.

"Move it. We're sitting here." Logan said plainly, his face clear of any emotion.

Carlos jumped out of his seat as quickly as possible, and stood and stared at the group who had taken over his table for a minute.

"You have a problem?" Duncan questioned, cracking his knuckles and smirking.

Logan put his hand up, and it amazed Carlos that he could control someone half his size without a word. Then again, Logan was a mess, and everyone knew it, and no one questioned him. That's just how it was. He didn't need the muscles or the size, he had the attitude and he had a look that could scare anybody.

"Are you going to leave?" Logan asked, glaring at Carlos. There were days when everyone in the school knew if Logan Mitchell was in a bad mood, and those days, everyone stayed clear of him more so than usual. Carlos was unlucky. This was one of those days.

"Or do I have to make you leave?" Logan didn't even need to stand up for Carlos to run.

He ran until he was in the middle of the hallway, away from the lunchroom, and he ran right into Kendall.

Both of them fell too the floor, and when they met eyes, Carlos had quite the pitiful expression on his face.

"You didn't show up…"

Kendall felt horrible, and it showed in his eyes.

"I didn't mean too, I was on my way, but the teacher said my schedule was wrong and she was fixing it…" Kendall confessed, feeling guilty for making Carlos believe he had been stood up by his new friend, and probably his only friend.

"It's ok." Carlos smiled, accepting Kendall's hand when he got up and offered to help him up as well.

"It's my fault. I should have given you my cell phone number or something." Carlos paused, wondering whether it was too soon in the friendship to even suggest something like that. He just was not good at making friends.

Kendall took out his cell phone, handed it too Carlos, and took his out of his hand, and Carlos smiled.

Once they returned each others phones, Kendall felt the need to ask the question Carlos really didn't want to answer.

"Who were you running from?"

Carlos looked down, fidgeting under Kendall's eyes.

"You know that kid who came in really late to homeroom? In all black clothes and he smelled like smoke?" Carlos murmured, afraid someone would hear him.

"Did he hurt you?" Kendall asked, frowning deeply. That kid was bad news, he could tell just by looking at him.

"Well no, but he could. Everyone's afraid of him and his friends. They're in a gang." Carlos mumbled, and Kendall's eyes went wide.

"Him and his friends came over to my table and told me to move or they would make me move, because they wanted to sit there, and I got scared…so I ran." Carlos felt pathetic, and he was scared to meet Kendall's eyes in fear of disgust at how much of a chicken he was.

"I know, I'm pathetic, I just…I mean, I…"

"Carlos, it's ok." Kendall put a hand on his shoulder in friendly acceptance. "I don't blame you, and I heard what that stuck up James kid said in homeroom, but why-"

"'That stuck up James kid'? I didn't realize that was my new name."

Carlos looked like he wanted to die, and Kendall gulped as he turned around.

James and a few other pretty, well dressed kids were all standing in the hallway, arms crossed, smirking at their prey.

James strutted forward, getting in Kendall's face.

"You have a problem with me new kid?" he asked. He didn't even need to put any effort into being intimidating, it seemed to come naturally for him. "If you have something to say to me, say it."

James shoved him to the floor, and motioned for his friends to come forward.

Carlos backed up. He wanted to do something, really he did, but he froze.

"I thought we taught you a lesson this morning." one of James' friends stated, pushing him against a wall roughly and punching him in his stomach. Carlos collapsed to the floor, coughing and gasping for the air that had been knocked out of him.

"Carlos!" Kendall tried to get up but James kicked him, rolling him over to where he was laying on his stomach.

"Look new kid-"

"My names Kendall!"

"Like I give a damn!" James kicked him again. "This is _my_ school, you got that? Don't start shit with me."

"You're the one starting this!"

James kicked him in the ribs and one of his friends stomped on his chest a few times for fun. Kendall started choking and didn't even notice what Carlos was being put through a few feet away from him.

"This wouldn't happen if you keep your fuckin' mouth shut. Carlos hasn't learned his lesson either, even after we teach it too him everyday, you don't wanna be like him, do you?" James smirked, a cruel aura radiating off of him that Kendall was used too from his last experience with something similar to this situation from when he lived in New York. But there was a big difference.

James and his friends didn't give him much time too think about it though. The beating and the insults continued for longer than Kendall wished to remember. He just took it and rode it out until they got bored and left. He laid on the floor for a minute, his breathing irregular, and he tried to numb out the pain.

When he finally regained his composure the best he could at the moment, he sat up too see Carlos on the floor against the wall in tears. He could already see where a black eye was forming, and blood was running down his face and Kendall couldn't tell whether it was from his nose or his mouth, but either way, the kid was a mess.

Kendall crawled over to him and leaned against the wall, staying silent for a moment, not knowing what too say too calm him down. When he did seem calm, though, Kendall said something he really regretted after seeing the look on Carlos' face.

"That's gonna happen a lot if I hang out with you, isn't it?"

He had meant it as a joke, despite how true it was. He hadn't meant for it too hurt Carlos. He hadn't meant for the boy to take it as _"I don't want to be your friend because of this"_. He hadn't meant to make Carlos pull himself to his feet and storm off in some random direction in tears. He hadn't mean to lose the only friend he had.

What he _had_ meant to do was let Carlos know it was ok, and they would make it through this together because they had found friendship in each other. He had meant to let him know that if had to endure this brutal hell every day, Kendall would be right beside him so when it was all over, atleast they wouldn't be alone. He had meant to tell Carlos that he would stick by his side, for better or for worse.

* * *

Carlos finally stopped running when he got to the other end of the school. He collapsed on the floor and cried harder. He hated himself. He despised himself! He had finally found a friend, and thanks to his inability to make friends last year, it had branded him for life, and now James and his friends were determined to make sure he would never have a friend. He finally got a friend and, like everything else, he had fucked it up in less than a day.

All he wanted was one person who would stick by his side. Someone who he could talk too, and run too, and trust, and laugh with. He wanted someone who would stick by his side through better or for worse.

He thought Kendall could be that person.

He wasn't aware he would give up on him as soon as 'worse' came along.

* * *

Yes, I updated twice in one day because my writers block disappears as soon as I start typing, and just because the feedback I've gotten back already made my day. :)

I would have updated hours ago, but I went to get my hair permanently straightened. XD

Anyway, review and let me know what you think. :)

I feel bad that writing James being a bully is so easy. D: I love him, nonetheless.

Thanks for reading! :D


	3. Let The Right One In

I really should be doing homework, since I have over 12 assignments due tomorrow in order to pass my Latin class, but, when inspiration hits you gotta roll with it, right? XD

I took the title from a horror movie I recently saw with my best friends; Let Me In. It is a remake of a Russian movie titled Let The Right One In. I loved it, and I encourage you guys too see it too. J

Chapter 3-Let The Right One In

Rating-T

Warnings- None

Summary-Carlos has it brainwashed into his head that he doesn't deserve anything or anyone, and when Kendall tries to make him open up, he realizes that he can't help Carlos until he is willing to be helped.

**I don't like this chapter. At all. I think it will show.**

**

* * *

**

"The traffic light, waits for you too tell me the tale of a shattered life, tonight. And I just passed by when you had had the chance to fight. Or would you spend your last days alone, thinking nobody would have cared or known? Just look me in the eyes and see that it's a light. So you're telling me, this is how you're going down? You thought they never really wanted you around. You are way off track too think like that."

~Traffic Light by Daughtry

* * *

Kendall had wanted to run to school that day, find Carlos before homeroom, and tell him he was sorry and be friends again. But he didn't.

Kendall had wanted to interrupt Carlos from his homework or whatever he had been doing in homeroom and tell him he hadn't meant what he had said the way Carlos thought. But he didn't.

Kendall had wanted to ask Carlos about the new cuts and bruises he was trying to hide under his jacket. But he didn't.

Kendall wanted to sit with Carlos at lunch and make sure the two of them got away from James unharmed this time. He wanted too do one thing right today.

He made his way into the crowded cafeteria, searching the small groups of kids that were huddled together, as if they were worried their cliques would get too close and burn them. He felt horrible for chickening out up until now, he just didn't know what exactly to say to Carlos to make it all alright, and he didn't want to accept the fact that he may have not only left himself friendless and on the wrong side of the battlefield, but he had put Carlos through more than he probably would have had to deal with if Kendall hadn't been there in the first place.

Finally, he spotted the boy sitting alone at a table. Every other table was full or close to being full, and they seemed to avoid his table as if he had the plague, or worse, in high-school terms, a social disease, and Kendall felt his heart drop to his stomach.

He approached cautiously, deeply regretting not getting this over with sooner. Carlos face was red, his eyes were puffy, and Kendall could tell he had gotten beaten up today. The sad, lonely look in Carlos' eyes made Kendall wish he could switch places with him, just to take his pain away. He felt drawn too him in a way he couldn't quite comprehend. He felt as if the two of them could be best friends, and that there was something he needed too do too make that happen, but he had no idea what. Carlos' life was a wreck, how was Kendall supposed to fix it?

"Carlos?"

Kendall noticed that every time Carlos was addressed, he freaked out, and this was no exception. He was paranoid and he didn't trust anyone around him. Kendall could see why.

Though when it registered in Carlos' mind that it wasn't a bully who had called him out, his eyes turned to stone.

"What?" he spat, his voice almost cracking.

"Look….about yesterday, I'm sorry. Really, I am. I didn't mean it the way you think I did."

Carlos' eyes softened, but he still didn't look all too convinced.

"R-really?"

"Really. Can I sit."

Carlos looked away, looking like all he wanted to do was disappear. He shrugged his shoulders and started fidgeting with his hands. Anything to keep from looking Kendall in the eyes.

_Well, he didn't say no_ Kendall concluded, taking a seat across from Carlos and staring off into the distance, trying to think up a good conversation starter to avoid this becoming too awkward.

"So…." Kendall began, letting the word hang in the air, hoping for some feedback.

"So…." was all Carlos offered back.

Kendall narrowed his eyes at the teen, who seemed to not be enjoying his company as he did yesterday, and wondered whether he should even bother trying.

"So…." Kendall repeated, unable to resist cracking a smile for some reason. He never realized how horrid he was at keeping up a conversation until now. It was so pathetic it was almost laughable, and awkward situations always made him laugh for some odd reason.

"So,…" Carlos smiled, then began to laugh quietly, and Kendall joined in.

"We can keep this up all day if we wanted but it's not gonna solve anything." Kendall laughed.

"And what exactly are we trying to solve?"

"Your mom."

Carlos gave him a half serious, half shocked look, and Kendall was about to start apologizing profusely if Carlos' mom was dead or something of the sort.

"What you and my mom did last night has nothing to do with this." Carlos said in monotone. A second past before both boys were cracking up laughing. **(1)**

"I don't even know what your mom _looks_ like!" Kendall gave Carlos a strange look before he burst out laughing all over again.

"Are you saying it would make a difference?" Carlos looked like he hadn't laughed in ages, and he probably hadn't.

Kendall calmed his laughing, looked up at Carlos, and they both started laughing all over again.

"Well whataya' know , our little outcast has a new best friend."

Both boys whipped their heads around too see James and his friend, _again_

_Oh damnit, just our luck. _Kendall thought bitterly.

"Looks like we have a new toy." a slutty looking girl Kendall's age smirked, circling the table too stand beside him.

"Toy?" Kendall was outraged. Was that what they were to these people? Was that was Carlos was too everyone in this school? He would _not_ put up with this. Not again.

"We are _not_ your toys, so do us a favor and get lost, asshole." Kendall muttered, keeping his voice down she he didn't get any more people involved in this.

"A favor?" James snickered to himself. "A favor?" he repeated, walking over to Kendall and giving him an almost playful push. "I don't owe you a thing, new kid." This time, James pushed him for real, and next thing Kendall knew he was on the floor with James hovering over him. He wondered whether any school staff cared enough to even notice any of this.

"Want some help?" another girl asked, placing her high-heeled feet on Kendall's chest, steeping down slightly. Kendall jerked away, nearly making her trip, and James kicked him in the ribs.

Kendall groaned in pain, every time he tried to fight back, there were more and more people around him, kicking him and laughing and joking as if this was just any normal activity.

"Leave him alone!" Carlos cried out, but when all eyes were on him, he turned deathly pale and backed up, tripping over his own two feet.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize we asked for your input on this." James glared at him, He wasn't playing anymore. He looked too two of his male friends, the nodded to them and gestured towards Carlos.

"Take care of this kid."

"Got it."

Kendall didn't remember much after he heard those words, and he watched Carlos being dragged off in some random direction, kicking and yelling. He didn't remember how he had gotten away from James, or what exactly happened. He blocked it out, let his instincts take over, and before he knew it he was in the hallway as the bell rang to signal the end of lunch.

People flooded in all around him, but he saw no sign of James, or Carlos.

He had no intention of going to class until he made sure Carlos was alright, however, so he started walking. He didn't know where he was going, and he wasn't sure he cared.

He walked for what seemed like hours and the hallways were empty and silent except for his own footsteps and slow breathing.

A noise caught his attention, and he stopped to lean against a wall next to the boys bathroom. He heard crying.

"Is that…Carlos?" he murmured to himself, frowning. He didn't even want to think about what those guys had don't too him. Hell, he didn't even wanna think about what they did to _him_. He touched his side and it ached and throbbed from the bruises he had just received.

He bit his lip in pain, trying to ignore it.

_Numb, numb._

His skillful self-mind tricks sure worked wonders in situations like these. He could numb out just about any feeling or emotion, he was surprised he had any emotions at all at this point.

"Carlos?" Kendall called, not knowing what to expect.

"Just leave me alone!"

"Carlos, c'mon-"

"NO!"

Kendall was slightly taken aback by how angry Carlos sounded.

"What did they do too you?"

"Just leave me alone!" He was sobbing now, and Kendall wanted too go in there and help him through his emotional breakdown, but Carlos certainly didn't sound like he was willing to be comforted, and besides, Kendall felt the responsibility to stand outside the bathroom and make sure no one else tried to go in there. Carlos didn't need to be put through anymore today. But that didn't stop him from questioning the boy relentlessly.

"Look, there's got to be something we can do to get James to leave us alone, or someway to avoid them,-"

"You don't get it, do you?"

Carlos stormed out of the bathroom and Kendall's stomach turned and he winced as if he were feeling Carlos' pain.

He looked awful. His face was a mix of different shades of red from crying and the blood that seeped out of his nose and mouth. Most of the bluish-black bruises were on his arms and probably on his abdomen too avoid his parents getting too suspicious.

"C-Carlos…."

"You don't get it at all, Kendall! Just leave me alone. You're just gonna get hurt if you hang out with me, and every time anything good happens to me, James is gonna find a way to ruin it! He always does! Just because I'm an outcast doesn't mean you have to be too!"

"Carlos, I'm hanging out with you because I _want_ too. I came to find you too make sure you were ok because I _wanted_ too. You don't have to be friendless, and I'm not gonna cower in fear of James for the rest of my high school life, and neither should you!"

"What am I supposed too do? If I'm happy, I'm gonna get beat up more, and made fun of more, because they don't want me to be happy!"

"It isn't their choice!"

"It sure as hell seems like it is! There's nothing I can do!"

Kendall couldn't believe what he was hearing. "So that's it, you're just gonna give up? You're gonna stop being my friend, and you're gonna take the beatings and you're gonna let James have all the glory he wants because you don't wanna risk standing up for yourself? _Really_?"

"You don't know what it's like to come too a school where everyone wants to tear you down. Do you know what it's like to be beat up everyday, and for people who don't even know you tell you you're worthless? Nothing I say or do can change their minds! I never did _anything_ to them. Any of them! I'm just their target because I'm weak! Do you know what it's like to have every single good thing in your life taken away from you just so someone else can have a good time? They make my life a fucking living _nightmare_!"

Carlos collapsed to his knees on the floor, and Kendall could feel the pain radiating off of him and it hurt in a way he couldn't explain.

"If being alone hurts you so much, why won't you let me in? Why can't we deal with this together? Did you every think maybe if you stood up for yourself they would have respect for you, or they'd get bored and leave you alone?" Kendall hadn't meant to be so stoic, but he just didn't know how to get through to him.

"No! Why should I trust you, anyway? It's better if you just stay away from me."

And with that said, he was gone.

_All he does is run away._

"Aw, did the two of you have a falling out?"

Kendall recognized that voice. He really wanted to know where James got the ability to appear out of nowhere at the worst possible times.

"What is your problem with him? What the hell did he ever do to deserve this?" Kendall glared at him, disgusted that James seemed to find nothing wrong with how he treated others.

"Life isn't fair, Kendall. Maybe you should learn that."

_Oh, you have no fucking idea_

"People have to go through things they don't deserve, that's how the world works."

_Oh, like you would know_

"Who cares whether he did anything wrong? We don't like him, and when we get bored and he has the misfortune too be there, well guess what, we're gonna mess with him. And he just sits there and takes it, so maybe he _does_ deserve it."

"Nice too know you take his feelings into consideration." Kendall narrowed his eyes, clenching his fists so tight his nails nearly drew blood from his palms.

James laughed. "Feelings? No one here gives a damn about anyone else' feelings! No one is gonna put their life on hold to take care of him, if he can't deal with his fuckin' problems on his own, too bad!"

"Do you know how selfish that is?" Kendall was in a state of disbelief. No one at this school was making any sense to him at this point. This was only his second day for crying out, and he'd seemed to have gotten himself into the worst possible predicament he could imagine.

"I don't have to stand here and explain myself too you, new kid. This is my school, what I say goes, and if I say we're gonna make Carlos' life hell then we will. So stay out of our way, or you'll be on the list too."

James didn't wait for Kendall to reply, he just turned around and walked off like a model; perfectly and without fault.

Kendall wasn't quite sure what he was supposed to think.

He wanted to help Carlos, but he couldn't do it alone. He couldn't make Carlos open up too him, he had to do it on his own free will for it too get them anyway, and Kendall didn't see that happening anytime soon. He couldn't help Carlos if he wasn't willing to be helped.

He wanted to know why Carlos was so hesitant to let himself be happy. Like James had said, he just sat there and took it, without putting up a fight, so why _wouldn't_ people harass him. He was pretty much giving them permission!

He wanted to know why James was so hell-bent on making Carlos' life a living hell if he had never done anything to him. Was he just that cruel? Was he doing it for the popularity?

He also wanted to learn a little bit more on this Logan kid who everyone was so cautious of. It seemed the whole school knew his name, and it was never spoken happily.

As Kendall continued to roam the school, needing time to think, he made a mental too do list.

Convince Carlos he deserved to be happy, and that he didn't need to throw his life away and hide just because he had some big obstacles to face.

Dig up some information on the infamous Logan Mitchell.

And figure out why James was such a douche.

* * *

I hate how this chapter turned out. I hate it with a passion. I rewrote it three times and couldn't get it right, so I just left it. I hope you all don't despise it as much as I do.

**(1)**

**I'm terribly sorry my humor sucks. .-. **


	4. Youth Of The Nation

I've never updated a story more frequently in my life. :D

Thank you all for the reviews and the feedback I've gotten on this so far, it means a lot.

Oh and by the way, who has a twitter? :)

Mine is xXxDatenshiBlue

Title-Youth Of The Nation

Rating-T

Warnings-Logan cusses, A LOT

Summary- "At least you did one thing for me, I can read them like books."

* * *

"Who's too blame for all the lives that tragedy claims? No matter what you say it don't take away the pain that I feel inside, I'm tired of all the lies, nobody knows why, it's the blind leading the blind. Guess that's the way that the story goes. Will it ever make sense? Somebody's gotta know. There's gotta be more too life than this, there's gotta be more too everything I thought exists. We are we are, the youth of the nation."

~Youth Of The Nation by P.O.D

* * *

_Blah Blah Blah _

That's all Kendall heard when his science teacher talked, spouting facts and terms that were gibberish in his head. He sighed heavily, tapping his pencil against his book and gazing out the window.

Not that he wanted to get out of this class. Oh, quite the opposite. Lunch was after this class, and Kendall had no desire to have no choice but to leave Carlos alone in his misery, because getting into an argument with his friend would only bring attention to them, and attention was the last thing either of them wanted after the past two days. And if anything was going on that was worth paying attention, James would be there, and Kendall just wasn't in the mood too deal with that divas bullshit right now.

Kendall wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep off his headache. And it wasn't only his racing, overly-stressed out mind inflicting him with a migraine, it was also the stench of weed and smoke flowing off of the kid sitting beside him in class.

He really hadn't paid much attention to any of the students sitting around him, nor did he intend too. Sure, he wanted out of all this drama and of course he wanted friends, but there was just something about Carlos and James that Kendall wanted to figure out, but he couldn't quite place his finger on what it was. There was just something about this situation that made Kendall think, and convince him to try to problem-solve and see whether he could turn this around.

_Because I can't just get out of this shit while I still can, can I? What is it about those two? No way in hell could me and James ever be friends, I know that, and Carlos wants nothing to do with me…Why am I even trying?_

"Kendall Knight and Logan Mitchell."

"What?" Kendall was snapped out of his thoughts and the teacher tapped her foot, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Were you not paying attention, Kendall."

_Of course I wasn't paying attention._

"I was, I just, didn't hear you." Kendall lied, and he knew it had been futile, because not only was the teacher rolling her eyes at him, the room had been totally silent because most people were asleep.

"You," the teacher started of slowly as if she was explaining something to a small child. "and Logan." She then pointed to the kid beside him who was making him sick to him stomach with his druggy-smell. "are paired up to do the science project due next week."

Kendall frowned and looked at Logan, recognizing him immediately from what Carlos had told him about him. It had too be him, the name matched, and he gave off a scary aura that made Kendall nervous.

"Get to work, come up with some ideas." the teacher smiled, clapping her hands and returning to her desk.

Kendall looked back at Logan, who was texting while the teacher was distracted.

Kendall couldn't kill his curiosity, and peered over to see what Logan was up too.

'**drug deal after skool. i kno u need the money'**

Kendall raised his eyebrow, curious and scared at the same time.

Logan started typing.

'**stop with the pity shit.'**

As soon as Logan moved, Kendall pretended to busy himself with organizing the three blank pieces of paper on his desk. When he felt Logan's eyes on him, he looked up, faking innocence and obliviousness.

"So…should we do our project on?"

Logan shrugged when his phone vibrated, but this time it was out of Kendall's view. Logan glared at the phone for a minute, biting his lip. He shoved it back in his pocket and shrugged again at Kendall, obviously not up for talking.

"We could do one of those volcano things, or the solar system or something easy like that." Kendall suggested.

"Whatever." Logan muttered, staring off into space, obviously not caring about anything Kendall had to say and clearly wanting to be anywhere other than that classroom.

_Ok, so he's a drug dealer, but he's not __**that**__ scary…_

"Hey, uh, Logan?"

When Logan glared directly at him, he understood why everyone was so afraid of him. Logan had a look that could kill.

All he had heard were rumors about the boy, but he didn't know if any of them held any truth. He really hoped not.

"_He carries a knife around in his bag, don't get him in a bad mood!"_

"_He's a drug addict, and a thief."_

"_Logan Mitchell killed his older brother. He should be in prison or a lunatic asylum, or something!"_

And Kendall had the "good fortune" of being science partners with this madman. _Joy._

"When should we work on this?" Kendall asked in a hushed tone, as if the louder he talked, the more likely Logan was too go off.

Logan sighed heavily, rolling his eyes, and Kendall wasn't sure whether it was directed at him or at the assignment, but either way, it made him feel uneasy.

Logan wrote some numbers on a scrap of paper and shoved it too Kendall, "My cell phone number. Text me when you finish your half of the project."

Kendall was confused. Did this kid not understand the point of a partner?

"But, it's a partner assignment, and I'm not good in science. I could come to your house or you could come to mine and we-"

Logan scoffed, "No thanks." His words were stained with sarcasm and bitterness. "You're not coming to my house. This is an assignment, not a slumber party."

"Yeah but-"

The bell rang and Logan walked out, ignoring Kendall completely. He sighed.

_What a mess…_

* * *

Kendall assured himself that Carlos not being in the cafeteria and James and his clique being there was a good sign. He wasn't sure where Carlos was, but he assumed that if James was no where near him he was probably safe. He hoped so, anyway.

All of the tables were taken and not wanting to sit with a random group of people, and not wanting to fight through the jumbled crowd to find somewhere else to sit, if anywhere, Kendall sat on the floor against the wall and ate silently.

The school food made him sick to his stomach, and his headache hadn't let up a bit. He felt like he was going to pass out and he wasn't sure whether he had the strength or the energy to get back up.

A loud eruption of laughter caught his attention and with what little energy he could muster, he turned his full attention to the table James was sitting at. Everyone was smiling and laughing and joking and seemingly have an amazing time.

Everyone except James.

When someone talked directly too him he'd respond, or smile, but other than that, he seemed withdrawn and bored, and maybe a little uncomfortable. He wondered why when it came to bullying Carlos, James was the center of attention, but when it came too regular circumstances, he didn't seem happy at all.

_He's bored. Maybe he doesn't enjoy being so popular…_

Kendall shook his head. That made no sense, besides, maybe James was just having an off day.

That didn't keep Kendall from wondering though.

Finally, his dizziness and pain let up a bit, and he pulled himself off the floor too walk outside and get some fresh air.

It was a perfectly peaceful sight. The sky was bright blue and the sun was shining. Birds were singing. And a kid was being attacked into the corner of the building….

Kendall took a few steps back and hid, peering over the wall he stood behind and squinted his eyes, trying to see what exactly was taking place.

He couldn't hear a thing because all those involved were keeping their voices down. Only one voice was audible, and he recognized it.

"We had a _deal_!"

It was Logan.

"I'm sorry!" the victim whimpered, trying to escape the hold Logan had on the front of his shirt. "I don't have the money, I can get it too you-"

"No, damnit! I need the money _today_!" Logan yelled, pushing the poor kid against the hard brick wall.

"Logan, hey,-" a blonde boy began, but Logan cut him off.

"Shut up, Chris."

Chris just nodded, taking a step back and looking at the four other teens around him, silently pleading for help.

"Logan," One word spoken out of a tall, black haired boys mouth seemed to hold so much meaning somehow, but Kendall couldn't quite decipher the emotions or the message behind it.

Logan sighed angrily, grabbing the kid out of the corner and throwing him away from him.

"Get out of here before I change my mind and decide to teach you a lesson." Logan hissed, shaking in what Kendall guessed was merely just anger.

The kid ran off faster than Kendall had ever seen anyone run, and he flinched when he heard Logan speak again.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to pay for…." Logan put a hand to his forehead, trying to calm down.

"It's really not your job, ya' know" A girl Kendall had heard people talking about- Vanessa, if he remembered correctly- frowned, trying to give Logan a hug but he inched away.

"Yeah, actually it is." Logan frowned, looking too be close to tears and Kendall couldn't believe his eyes. Why was it that within twenty minutes of meeting someone he always got pulled into their drama or figured out their secrets somehow?

"Unless you can tell me what other choice I have…" Logan mumbled, grabbing his book bag off the ground. "Because no one else is gonna do it."

Kendall ran back inside when Logan started heading for the door, and when he was out of sight of him, he leaned against the wall and stared off into space, not knowing what to think.

Logan didn't seem so tough anymore, but Kendall was still scared of him.

He wasn't one hundred percent sure on what was going on with Carlos or James, and Logan was pretty much a mystery, but he had some clues. He had a feeling all of this would be going on for awhile. It was like a bad teenage drama movie.

Still, which each passing day, Kendall learned a little bit more about them, and their lives, and it would all start to make sense in time. Maybe…

It was like reading a book. Every page you read, you learn a little bit more, but it never makes complete sense until the very end.

'A_t least **you **_did one thing for me. I can read them like a book.'

* * *

Why is James being so antisocial?

What is Logan so upset about?

Who is Kendall talking about at the end?

I guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out. ;)

Review~!


	5. New Kind Of Numb

**Don't make me start holding chapters hostage for reviews... .**

Title-New Kind Of Numb

Rating-M

Warnings-Cutting

Summary-Kendall trained his mind to numb out his pain and unwanted emotions. Logan has his own way of handling his pain, and it has got Kendall worried for the boy who doesn't want his help. Story of Kendall's life lately. But maybe Kendall and Logan are more alike than Kendall could have imagined, and maybe, just maybe, Logan isn't such a bad person.

* * *

"So don't tell me if I'm dieing, because I don't wanna know. If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go. Don't wake me because I'm dreamin', of angels on the moon, where everyone you know, never leaves too soon. Yeah you can tell me all your thoughts about the stars that fill polluted skies. And show me where you run too when no ones left to take your side. But don't tell me where the road is, I just don't wanna know."

~Angels On The Moon by Thriving Ivory

* * *

"Will you _please_ stop for a minute."

"No."

"Carlos, wait!"

"Leave me alone!" When the strangled cry hit Kendall's ears he immediately stopped walking after the boy. He really didn't want to make Carlos' cry, especially not now. Not when they were about to go to homeroom.

Carlos stopped right in front of the closed door, got out a piece of paper that looked like homework, and walked in, trying to look busy so maybe no one would bother him. Like it ever worked…

Kendall sighed, adjusting his book bag on his shoulder. He didn't want to face Carlos, James _or_ Logan today. Just his luck that he would be stuck in a classroom with all three for thirty minutes.

He was about to walk in when two groups of people from two different sides of the hallway appeared from different doors. On his left was James and his friends. They were all engaged in some conversation about Twilight and hair care products. All except James.

On his left was Logan and his gang, who were all scolding some boy who looked drunk or high or something. But that's not what caught his attention. What Kendall first noticed was Logan's face. It was red as if he had been crying, and his eyes looked puffy, but none of his friends seemed to notice at all. Kendall knew all too well how one looked after a long night of no sleep and crying, and Logan matched the criteria point blank. He was probably trying to play it off as being drunk or high, but Kendall knew better.

Both boys separated from their groups and made their way too the door.

James didn't even smirk viciously when he saw Kendall, he just pushed him out of the way with a stoic _"move"_ and made his way to open the door. Logan reached for the door handle at the same time as James, and Kendall didn't know whether it was good or bad that James backed down and let Logan go first instead of starting an argument.

On one hand, Kendall was overjoyed that James didn't have the confidence too stand up too everyone who crossed him, then again, he was horrified that Logan had such a bad rep that even James wouldn't mess with him.

Kendall was the last too enter the room, and he searched for a seat. He looked too Carlos, who just gave him a pained look and shook his head. He looked to James who looked away as if he didn't even know him. And he looked to Logan, who glared daggers at him in warning to stay away. The only three people he knew all hated him.

He sat by himself in an empty seat in the front and sulked while pretending to read.

This was just like his old school, but this time, it actually made a difference.

This time, he wasn't numb to the world.

This time it actually hurt.

* * *

_Oh my god…_

"False."

_Who would have thought…?_

"False."

_Maybe this isn't so bad after all._

"True."

_Other than the fact that he doesn't even want to work with me._

"False."

_This kids a genius! _

"True."

The science teacher decided that picking a random student and asking them a series of true or false questions was considered a game, and her lucky victim just so happened to be Logan. And he just so happened to get every single question right, even the questions from the chapters they hadn't gotten too yet, and he knew them right off the type of his head and he answered them all without hesitation, more like boredom.

The teacher smiled and continued too pick another student, and Kendall was about to ask Logan how he knew all that when he noticed Logan was texting on his phone again. He had it on the seat next to his leg, hiding it from the teacher, and with a little effort Kendall could see the small words.

'**Power?'**

Kendall raised a brow and watched Logan type.

'**No. fml.'**

Kendall looked down at his open book. A bunch of random words and diagrams and charts and numbers that didn't register in his mind because he had no interest in it. All that was on his mind was Logan, and what that text could have meant. What kind of power was he talking about? Did he mean power as in electricity? Kendall made up his mind.

He was going to take his science notes, the paper explaining the details of their science project, and he was going to go too Logan's house and he was going to figure out what the hell was going on.

* * *

Kendall had no idea what had possessed him too do something so insanely stupid as too try to go to Logan Mitchell's house. He had no weapons, he had no protection, he had nothing to say too him, and he was freezing.

But he couldn't turn back now.

He shivered and tried to numb out the cold. Unfortunatly the cold numbed him first, but it was a painful numb.

He had gone to the office and asked for Logan's address, and when he got his teacher to confirm that he needed it for a science project, they gave it too him.

It wasn't a long walk at all, in fact despite not knowing this town well, he could have easily found his way home from here, however, he still didn't recognize this part of town. It was dirty and intimidating.

_Maybe he's poor. Maybe they cut off his power at home. Maybe that's why he was in such a bad mood today….Why am I doing this? I can't fix this. Besides, he doesn't want anything to do with me….Why am I wasting my time?_

Kendall was greatly considering turning back, but one more step sealed him fate. There was no way he would be able to leave unscathed now. He had just made one grave mistake.

"What are _you_ doing here?"

Kendall wasn't sure how far or how long he had ran, all he knew was he blindly found his way back home. He knew he had gotten away and he knew that they hadn't even chased after him. He know he probably hadn't even needed too run, but he panicked.

He knew that he had found Logan in an alley, surrounded by his friends. Beer cans and cigarette butts and trash had littered the ground, but there were chairs and book bags, as if the five of them went there everyday. The group scared him half too death. The conditions and the bad side of town made him sick to his stomach with paranoia. The whole time he felt as if someone were watching him, and he was going to get jumped or shot.

But what scared him the most, and what really made him run wasn't any of that.

It was the fact that Logan had been tossing a knife into the air and catching it.

He could have killed Kendall, and though he hadn't had the time to try, Kendall had the feeling he would have done it without hesitation if he was still in his bad mood.

All Logan had done was ask what he had been doing there, and Kendall ran. He probably thought he was a coward, and maybe he was, but he didn't care. He was ready to give up, get an F on the assignment, and never cross Logan's path again.

He tried to repress the strange thought that they could ever be friends. Honestly, Kendall had no idea why that thought would ever cross his mind.

* * *

_Sleep. Sleep. Sleep, damnit!_

Kendall sat up quickly, aggravated, and nearly fell off the side of his bed. He glanced at the digital clock; 3:45am. He had been trying and failing to sleep for hours, tossing and turning, unable to shush his thoughts long enough to drift off to dreamland. He had a feeling he would be getting no sleep tonight, and he had to be up and get ready for school in three hours.

He got out of bed and grabbed his jacket. He had gotten into a habit since he moved to Minnesota, that when he couldn't sleep he would take a walk. He never got that opportunity back in New York, and while he wasn't too fond of the cold, he needed to clear his head.

He opened his window and crawled out, and shut it behind him, taking the key to the front door if worse came to worse.

He shoved his hands in his not-so-warm pockets and kicked a wad of paper as he walked down the dark streets of his neighborhood and let his thoughts overwhelm him.

_Carlos was my only friend. I don't care if I'm an outcast because of him. I don't care that the popular kids kick my ass because of him. No one deserves to be treated like he does, and if I don't help him, no one will. But I can't help him until he wants too be helped. I don't know why I want to be his friend so badly._

_James is a vain, egotistical, stuck-up asshole…who I think might be hiding something. He seems so withdrawn from everyone else. He seems so depressed around them. Like he doesn't want to be around them at all. He acts like he doesn't have any friends at all sometimes. Still, I don't know why I want to be his friend so badly._

Kendall recalled what James had said too him when they argued.

"_Life isn't fair, Kendall. Maybe you should learn that."_

_"People have to go through things they don't deserve, that's how the world works."_

"_Feelings? No one here gives a damn about anyone else' feelings!"_

Kendall wasn't quite sure why James seemed so bitter, he had it all. The looks, the clothes, the popularity, the power, everything.

_Logan is a genius, he could be anything he wants, so why does he hang out with thugs and drug-dealers? Why is he so angry? What happened to him too make him this way? Are the rumors true? Did he kill his brother? Is he crazy? I want to know what goes on in his life. I want to understand why he's the way he is. Then again…I shouldn't want to be his friend at all, so why do I want to be so badly?_

_Maybe it's just because I don't __**have**__ any friends at all._

Kendall stopped walking, feeling tears stinging his eyes. Crying cut through the heavy, cold night air, and Kendall looked around. He wasn't crying.

He followed the noise in curiosity, wanting to comfort whoever it was. He had always had an obsession with helping people.

But he had a feeling he couldn't help Logan, who he had just found in a fetal position in a small alley, crying his heart out.

"L-Logan?"

Logan's head rose from his knees, staring in horror and shock at the boy who had just called him out. He opened his mouth to say something too explain himself, looking around. He looked down and bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. He looked angry.

"What?" he hissed, glaring at Kendall. He didn't seem so intimidating anymore. He seemed like a lost little child who ran away from home. He choked back a sob and closed his eyes, resting the back of his head on the brick wall behind him.

"Leave!" he ordered.

Kendall was frozen in shock.

"Leave." Logan sounded like he was begging this time. "Please…"

Kendall couldn't tell what Logan truly wanted. His voice said he wanted to be alone, but his eyes were screaming _help me_.

So Kendall went with his instincts.

He walked over and kneeled down in front of Logan, waiting for him to look him in the eyes.

"Kendall!" Logan complained.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes I'm ok!"

Kendall gave him a _how stupid do you honestly them I am_ look.

"Are you ok?" he repeated, trying one more time.

"Do I look like I'm fuckin' ok?"

"No, that's why I didn't leave." Kendall mumbled, sitting down and looking at Logan patiently.

"Why do you even care?" Logan asked, his voice barely above a broken-voiced whisper. He sounded almost…guilty.

"Because if someone I know needs help, I wanna help them."

"But we aren't even friends." Logan wiped his tears away. Kendall shrugged.

"Why are you all alone out here? What's going on?" Kendall asked, his voice comforting to Logan.

"I just needed to get away for awhile."

"From where?"

"Home."

"Where do you live, anyway?"

Logan gave him a suspicious look, but finally he sighed and pointed to a house near them. Kendall was shocked.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I thought you lived in, well, you know…the…"

"The bad part of the neighborhood?" Logan didn't seem angry at all, and Kendall eased up.

"Yeah."

"It's fine, I didn't expect you too think any differently. Everyone thinks that."

"And I don't want you too kick my ass, but…" Kendall laughed slightly too make Logan think he was joking; he wasn't. But Logan smiled slightly in amusement, and Kendall hoped it wasn't faked.

"I kind of saw what you were texting today. You're phone was just kinda…in view." Kendall laughed nervously. Logan raised a brow.

"Something about power? I really shouldn't be asking, it's not my business, but…?"

Logan sighed deeply, looking away seeming to be in deep thought.

"I meant the electricity in my house."

"Why? What's going on?"

Logan crossed his arms, looking nervous, and Kendall noticed something.

"Uhm, Logan….you're bleeding."

Now Logan looked horrified, and he tried to hid the blood seeping through his jacket from view.

Kendall grabbed Logan's arm and pulled up the sleeve. He hadn't meant to be so rough, and he definitely

felt bad about it when he saw what Logan was hiding.

"Oh god…Logan…what did you-" Kendall cut himself off when he saw tears streaming down Logan's face as he tried to squirm out of Kendall's grasp.

There were cuts littering Logan's pale arm, and the one that really caught Kendall's attention was the freshest, and deepest one that was gushing blood. It wasn't until then that Kendall noticed what looked like the same knife Logan had been tossing up and down in the alley earlier that day by Logan's side.

"Why?" was all Kendall could manage too say.

"You don't want too know." Logan cried harder.

"I'm here for you. I won't judge you, Logan, please, just tell me."

Logan looked truly shocked, as if no one had ever said something like that too him.

"B-but…why would you….?"

"Because I know how you feel."

"How?" Logan's anger was rising. "What makes you think you know anything about it?"

"It's a long story."

"So is mine."

"I have time."

* * *

Kendall was actually looking forward to going to science class today. He was confident that he finally found a friend, and while Logan may not have been the best choice, he felt he had a bond with him, and he wasn't afraid of him anymore.

They had spilled their hearts out last night. They told each other their pasts, their problems, and everything in between and Kendall had no idea. He had been so wrong about Logan.

He walked into the room only too see that the teacher wasn't in there yet, and all the other students were socializing in the hallway before class, and nobody was in the room except him, and Logan.

"Hey." Kendall greeted him, setting his book bag down on his desk and smiling down at his new friend. His eyes soon turned sympathetic when he saw the far-off, upset look in Logan's eyes.

"What's wrong?" Kendall frowned.

"Kendall, I think you have the wrong idea." Logan said simply, as if Kendall was supposed to know exactly what he was talking about. But he had an idea…

"W-what do you mean?"

"We aren't friends, Kendall."

"But….All that stuff you told me..? I don't understand…" Kendall glared lightly. "I told you everything. I was there for you and I stayed out all night to make sure you were ok!"

"Keep your voice down! This is between you and me not the whole damn school!" Logan growled.

"Tell me what the _hell_ is going on!" Kendall demanded.

"Fine, you wanna know what's going on? I broke down last night and I said shit I shouldn't have! Things that are none of your business! It was a mistake and it never should have happened! I don't need your fucking sympathy! Just leave me alone!"

"You're gonna end up killing yourself if you go on like this."

"Shut up! My life is none of your concern so stay out of it!"

"So we're not friends? And everything we talked about last night means nothing too you?" Kendall's breathing was unsteady and he could barely hold back his tears.

"Exactly." Logan murmured, standing up slowly. Kendall stared at him for a few seconds, and was shocked when Logan grabbed him by the front of the shirt and slammed him against the wall. He had tears in his eyes that he refused to let fall and Kendall gave him a look that clearly read _you're breaking down all over again, and you can't hide it anymore. I know everything. You told me everything._

"If you tell anyone, _**anyone**__, _I will make you fuckin' regret it, you hear me?" Logan tightened his grip, and Kendall nodded slowly.

"But I still know, Logan. You can't change that. You need help."

Logan was fuming, Kendall was stoic.

"Don't. Tell. Anyone." Logan whispered, and Kendall nearly broke down, because Logan sounded desperate, and a single tear ran down his cheek.

Kendall could do nothing but agree.

"Fine. But you still owe me money. I saved your ass, and you owe me."

* * *

You didn't think I would give Kendall a happy ending so soon, did you? ;)

What did Logan tell Kendall? What did Kendall tell Logan? And why does Logan owe Kendall money?

Also, I apologize for any mistakes. I can't stand too read over the story after I write it because I get all OCD and end up changing everything and pretty much just rewriting it for no reason, plus I have no beta-reader. Sorry.

Anyway, I hope you all are enjoying this so far and are curious too see what happens next!

**Maybe if you review you'll find out sooner, hm? (:**


	6. Spill Your Guts

Sorry for not updating in a few weeks, everyone. Between school and personal issues that have been going on, life has really been kicking my ass lately.

I hope this chapter is good enough to make up for that. (:

Title-Spill Your Guts

Rating-T

Warning-Drinking

Summary-After a painful display of "friendship", or, lack there of, Kendall and James have a heart-to-heart and Kendall feels he is finally on the guys good side. Unfortunately, life can't be that easier for either of them, and Kendall is getting sick of all the false hope.

*It was really hard to just pick a short part of this song to put below. I didn't want to end up typing all the lyrics to you guys! If you want, just go listen to the whole song. I was at a complete loss for words for this chapter until this song came on. I was actually sitting in math class, flipping through songs on my Ipod, and as soon as this song popped up, I immediately pulled out my notebook and started writing this chapter! Hope you enjoy.*

* * *

"It's messed up but I got this mission. Drunk again, won't remember anyway. She said it's just a game, boy, don't be gone, don't be gone for long. Ten years, I've been doing this forever. It's all I know, baby please don't turn away. I know you don't believe in me, but I do, believe in you. Going 100 in a 55, and I don't know why, I'm still alive. I do what I can, but I know I can't take anymore. I still believe in this rock and roll, and I pray the music's gonna save my soul. But until then, I still believe, some things are just meant to be."

-100 in a 55 by Pop Evil

* * *

The sound of the tardy bell rang through the near empty hallway, echoing off the locker-lined walls, making Kendall wince. Now not only was he late to the last class of the day, but he was also stuck listening to James and his bitch club- James was the King of it, of course. Kendall almost laughed at the thought.- continue on their irrelevant conversations, to which, again, James look completely bored with.

Actually, James looked completely wrecked.

Kendall almost felt bad for him, for he guessed the boy probably felt as bad as he looked. As bad as James Diamond _could_ look, that is.

When James met his eyes, he darted his gaze back to his locker, where he was searching for his missing homework. He didn't care how late he would be at this point. He didn't want to risk walking by them, because that alone was enough to stir up drama, and if one minor inconvenience was enough to keep the peace for the time being, then Kendall would keep his mouth shut and accept it.

He scanned his locker for something to hold his outer attention so he could focus all his inner attention on the group twelve feet away from him, more or less. Luckily, he had trained his ears to improve his hearing.

Maybe some of the "skills" he had learned in his time back in New York weren't all merely bad memories after all.

_It's about damn time you did something for me, you no good son of a-_

Kendall shook his head, blocking it out, knowing this self talk was bringing him down more than the thought of how he wasn't even safe in his own damn school thanks to his "friendless/weakling/new kid/etc" status!

Instead, he busied himself with filing through random papers he probably needed for one thing or another.

"James, are you _sure_ you're feeling ok?"

None of the ten or so kids that James was associating himself with at the time had been bothered to ask until the boy in question nearly lost his balance and caught himself on a locker, a pained expression on his face. Kendall was positive that the fact that James didn't look up to standard today had been brought up, but a simple "are you ok?" regarding how he actually felt hadn't been spoken once.

Fore a group of friends, they certainly didn't seem to friendly, from what Kendall had observed. It was as if they hung out for no purpose other than that they were popular. They surrounded themselves with people they probably had nothing in common with, people who they may not have even _liked_ in any sense of the word, and they put up with it, and each other, simply because they were the cool kids, and it was what they were "expected" to do. They probably didn't see any other choice, other than risking their popular status, and it was clear that had been the first thing blown out of the water and out of question.

They probably didn't care how James felt, so long as he kept his cool composure and aura. Finally, after regaining said composure, James finally had the strength to respond.

"Yeah," James muttered, rubbing his forehead. "just hung-over."

"Did you go to a party last night?" one of the kids questioned, looking annoyed. "Why didn't you call me!"

James rolled his eyes. "I didn't go to a party." He looked bothered and uncomfortable.

"You drank alone?" another kid asked, looking impressed for some unknown reason that was completely lost on Kendall. "Man, you're cool. You're so damn lucky. I'd never be able to get away with that at my house. My parents are way too stalker-ish, they would find out somehow."

James could put out nothing more than a soft nod, letting his head hang and the lockers did all the work of holding him up.

"James. Hey, James! You ok?"

They sounded more curious than worried, and that turned into annoyance when James opted to ignore them.

"James…!"

"I think I'm gonna be sick."

Kendall stared at the scene unfold with slightly wide green eyes, curious as to how James' "friends" would react as James ran into the nearest bathroom, nearly tripping over his own feet.

Now he felt bad. Sure James had a sick, sadistic obsession with making those around him cry, he still felt bad, because despite the condition James was in, nobody cared.

All his friends could do was smile, laugh, roll their eyes, or shrug with blank, uncaring expressions. They didn't care.

He followed far behind when the kids rounded the corner to stand in front of the bathroom, and Kendall peaked over the corner to watch and listen.

"Well, come to class when you don't feel like you're gonna die." one kid laughed, and Kendall couldn't be sure whether he was just playing or not.

Then the group left James alone, without staying by his side to make sure he would be find, or calling for the nurse, or without another simple "are you ok?".

Some friends.

Kendall may have never had a true best friend, but he had enough sense to know that this was ridiculous, and unacceptable.

When he thought about it, however, he really shouldn't have cared. James pain should not have meant a damn thing to him. It shouldn't have made his heart hurt, it shouldn't have made him want to yell at James "friends" to treat him better, because maybe, just maybe James had brought this all on himself.

Kendall should not have cared that James was suffereing, because the feeling would have been mutual. James didn't care about anyone other than himself.

Still, something deep inside drove Kendall to at least check on James.

He bit his lip, carefully walking into the bathroom as quietly as he could, knowing he was probably the last person James wanted to see right now. He heard the sickening sound of James being forced to empty the contents of his stomach, and quiet whimpers.

The bathroom was deserted, other than the two of them, for this bathroom was in the back hallway of the school, which was made up solely of lockers, and no classrooms.

"A-re you….ok?"

Kendall found him in a stall on his knees, kneeled over the porcelain bowel. He had been in such a desperate rush that he had left the stall door wide open.

"What do _you_ want?" James spat, letting himself fall on his bottom, leaning against the wall of the stall with a hand over his stomach. He groaned in pain and wiped away the tears that had been pulled out of him, along with his breakfast.

"I just wanted to see if you were ok." Kendall repeated, frowning. James gave him an incredulous look, his eyes burning with anger.

"Why?"

Kendall knew James was a jerk, but he was taken aback by his outburst.

"Why the hell are you so angry?" Kendall glared down at James, mentally satisfied that he looked shocked at being yelled at.

"I was worried about you, I have no idea _why_ considering how selfish and egotistical you are!"

"Did I _ask_ you to worry about me? No! Mind your own business. We're not even friends, so what right do you have-"

"Friends? Hell I'm beginning to wonder if you _have_ any friends. They sure didn't seem to care about you just now when they walked away. You're right, we're _not_ friends. In fact, it's pretty obvious you hate me and I hate you, and yet I _still_ cared about you more than your so called _friends_!"

"…."

"…."

If Kendall hadn't felt bad before, he sure as hell felt like the scum of the earth now.

James bit his lip hard enough to draw blood and shut his eyes, but a strangled whimper and two waterfalls of tears still emitted from the pretty boy on the floor.

"J-James..I…I'm…" Kendall was stuck. He didn't know whether he should apologize or not.

"Just go."

"…"

The words held no anger or intimidation at all. Just sadness. He had broken him. His voice, his eyes, all seemed to be begging Kendall to stay. It was Logan all over again, only James didn't have the willpower to put up much of a fight at all.

Kendall sighed thoughtfully, leaning against the small wall that separated James stall from another, and shook his head. He was ready to get to the bottom of this once and for all. There was no more room for jokes or lies or drama.

"What's wrong with you, James? You have it all, or you seem to. You have the looks, the style, the popularity," Kendall stopped mid-sentence, giving James a stern look. "But you don't enjoy any of it, do you?"

He was shocked and how calm and collected he was being, and how vulnerable James truly was.

"I have no idea what you're-"

"Yes you do." Kendall stated, coming off more harsh than he had intended, and James winced.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You're so distant from them. You aren't close with any of them. You just hang out with them because their just as popular as you, and you have no one else." Kendall wasn't quite sure where this was going, but he didn't stop. "You hang out with a bunch of random people that you don't even like or know just so you can stay in the spotlight. You don't even know half their names, do you James?"

It came out as more of a statement than a question, and rather than a few stray tears, James completely broke down crying.

"What the hell do you know?" His voice was so broken it hurt Kendall to hear it.

"I know how alone you feel…." Kendall mumbled, staring blankly ahead.

James gave him a shocked look that soon turned into a look of apology.

"I'm sorry." James choked out, and Kendall smiled gently.

"You're surrounded by so many people, but you feel alone, doesn't that tell you anything?"

"…?"

"They aren't your friends, James."

"…. They are my friends, that's why I hang out with them." James scoffed as if Kendall were an idiot.

"You don't hang out with them because their your friends, James. You're hanging out with them because you have no one else."

James was trying so hard to stop himself from crying, to no avail, and as sad as the sight was, Kendall smiled, because they were getting somewhere. James could turn his life around, and be happy, which would make Carlos happy that he wouldn't get picked on as much, and if Kendall could set all this in motion, he would be overjoyed.

"They don't care, honestly. No one does."

"I do."

"Why?"

"Because I know what it's like to be alone, and to act a certain way because it's all you know, and you just do it to get by… I know…" Kendall wiped his own tears away.

James remained silent, and Kendall gave him a look that ushered him to tell him his story.

"The only reason I'm popular is because of my looks, nobody gives a damn about anything else. I could look perfect every day, but be depressed, and no one would notice, either that or they just don't care….I don't tell them anything, and they don't tell me anything."

"So you don't even have one person to talk to about personal stuff?" Kendall didn't know what to say. He and his little sister told each other everything, because for so many years she had been the only one he had to depend on, and vice-versa. But James was totally alone.

"I know it sounds stupid, but I really do feel alone…. "

"I know."

A few moments of silence past before James cursed under his breath. Kendall was about to turn around, but when he heard James begin to throw up again, he chose against it.

James started coughing painfully, and Kendall poured out a bottle from his backpack. It was the coca-cola he had brought from home that he had been planning to drink during lunch but had forgotten about until then. Up until recently, he never got something as simple as this that most people took for granted. It was a treat for him. But he figured James needed it more.

Coke wouldn't have agreed to well with his stomach, though, Kendall concluded, so with a defeated sigh, he poured the contents of the bottle down the sink drain, rinsed it a few times, then filled it with water.

"Here." Kendall bent down and handed the bottle to James. "Slow sips."

James did as he was told, and visibly relaxed.

After a few more moments of heavy silence, James spoke.

"I still don't understand why…you know, you would comfort me or anything…." A blush crept over James' face, and Kendall laughed gently, smiling.

"I just wanted to help."

James smiled, "You know, you're kinda cool."

Kendall was surprised, but his smile didn't fade.

"Thanks, for everything. You're like a therapist."

They both laughed quietly, and when it died down, Kendall was about to walk out.

"We are _really_ late." Kendall couldn't help but laugh again.

"Hey." James called, standing on wobbly legs, catching himself by placing his palm on the wall.

"Hm?" Kendall asked, turning around.

"Do you have a cell phone?" James asked, and Kendall stared at him in shock. He was surprised that James would ask. Maybe he wouldn't be like Logan after all, and not blow off the life-changing confrontation they shared and pretend it never took place. Maybe he had misjudged James. And maybe this was the start of a new friendship.

"Uh, yeah."

They exchanged numbers and James picked up his book bag, shifting awkwardly on his feet.

"So, uhmm…You're right, about the whole friends thing. Maybe I should talk to them." James shrugged, looking sad again. Kendall could feel James' pain. He wanted to be accepted for who he was on the inside, and that was a side of James no one knew until now.

"You should." Kendall nodded, "And I'll always be here, if you need someone to talk to."

James smiled the first true smile Kendall had ever seen on him. The two exited the bathroom and went their separate ways to class, and Kendall had a good feeling that not only were he and James friends now, maybe now he could help Carlos too.

* * *

"I wanted to talk to you guys."

The statement took everyone in the group off guard, and everyone looked to James as if he had just suggested they bungee jump off of the roof or something of that nature.

"About _what_?" someone asked, raising her eyebrow.

They didn't _talk_ unless it was about that day at school, about some kid they had beat up, about a party, or a complaint. Conversations never went deeper than that, because nothing deeper than that was known about each other.

"Well, I mean…" James looked down, biting his lip. Everyone was in a state of shock and confusion. James Diamond didn't stutter, it was unheard of!

"Spit it out."

"Well-!" James spoke up, getting everyones attention. "Today…"

He wanted to approach them about how they had just left him alone when he was sick and needed them. He wanted to ask them why conversations never went more than skin-deep. He wanted to ask them why they never went out to see a movie, or just went somewhere to hang out as friends. He wanted to ask them why they hung out with him if they hadn't even remembered his last birthday. He wanted to ask them so many things, and he wanted to open up and he wanted to get to know them and he _wanted_ friends he could actually run and talk to when he had a problem.

He wanted to ask them a lot of things, but his mind went blank, and before he could even come up with an excuse to cover up this awkward conversation, someone spoke up.

"I heard you were talking to Kendall Knight today? Dude, what has gotten into you?" a kid laughed, and James crossed his arms, looking put out. _No one_ mocked him.

"What about it?"

"Uh, he's a loser! Why would you talk to him?"

"….He's actually kind of cool."

"…"

"…."

Everyone burst out laughing, and James wanted to do nothing else than to crawl under a rock and die.

"Obviously, James got more drunk last night than we thought!" They were acting as if he wasn't even there, for gods sake!

"James, I think you know what's wrong with this picture." a girl much shorter than James said once she had calmed herself, still trying to stifle her laughed every few seconds. "You're cool, he's not. You don't talk to him. He's here for our amusement, hun."

James stared down at her with wide eyes. He let out an uneasy, jagged breath and stayed silent, not knowing how to respond.

"You've always seemed to know the rules until now, what's gotten into you?"

_Friendship shouldn't have to have rules….I can't even talk to you guys without you laughing in my face. I can't even tell you how I feel without you looking down on me. I'm not made of stone like you….. I need you guys, but you don't even care._

"He just….seemed like a good friend." His statement came out as more of a question, and his "friends" laughed again.

"He can't get you into parties, he isn't cool, dude, he's a nobody! What kind of friend is that?"

"…"

_He's the kind of friend I can actually talk to. He's the kind of friend who doesn't treat me like an idiot when I need someone to be there for me. He's the kind of friend who knows I'm only human and doesn't look down on me for it. He's actually a true friend. _

James closed his eyes tight, blocking out everything, his thoughts racing at a painful speed.

_These aren't my friends. I need a friend right now. Walk away, walk away. You don't need them. They don't need you. Just save yourself the pain and walk away. Who cares if you're not popular, who cares, who cares? Walk away!_

But when James opened his eyes, everyone was looking at him with smiled, but their eyes told another story.

_Leave and your dead. Your life will be hell, just like Carlos'. You can't just leave the mess you've made behind. Leave and your dead. Leave and you're dead._

"Seriously, dude, we care about you." _No you don't._ "We care about you enough to know that you even being around someone like Kendall could mess you up big time." _You just don't want it to ruin your reputation. _"I don't know what has gotten into you all of a sudden, but maybe you should come back to reality?"

_Walk away. Walk away and your dead. Walk away. I can't. I have to. These aren't my friends. Walk away and your dead._

"You're right."

* * *

Kendall sat up in his room at his desk doing his homework while the TV blared in the background. He sighed happily. Not even homework could deteriorate his good mood.

Nothing.

He felt his cell phone buzz and he knew it must have been James, as he and Carlos were the only two who had his cell phone number, and Carlos still wasn't talking to him. He smiled as he grabbed his phone out of his pocket. He felt relieved to know that he finally had a friend, and true friend. After his and James conversation today, there was no doubt in his mind that maybe, just maybe his life was getting better.

He hoped that this text would say something along the lines of James finally talking things out with his friends, and everything was right with the world.

Kendall should have known better than to hope for anything anymore.

'**You were wrong. You were so wrong. Just stay away from me before you fuck up my whole life anymore than it already is.-James'**

* * *

**Kendall just can't get a break, can he? :o You thought everything would go well this time, didn't you? ;D**

**So now you know a little more on why James is such an ass.**

**Hope everything made sense!**

**So, as usual, I had no beta-reader, and reading back through the whole thing after I finish it is taboo for me, so I didn't.**

**All mistakes are my own and if you see any, or see anything that doesn't make sense, let me know and I'll fix it ASAP.**

**Now, see that pretty little button down there that says review? You do? Please respect the buttons wishes!**

**Haha, I love you guys! (:**


	7. Don't Look At Me With That Tone Of Voice

I'm sorry. I'm horrible. In the beginning I had no doubt in my mind of how I wanted each chapter to go, but I'm currently in the middle of rewriting some of the plot, so now I'm a little off.

I'm the type of author who can't write the first sentence of a story without having the whole chapter planned out in my mind word for word, action for action, and now that my plotline is off, I have to mentally rewrite the story.

I'll update more frequently if I can, please bear with me, I love you guys!

And as I've said before, I have no beta-reader,-if that's a task that interests you PM me and let me know, it would be appreciated!- and reading through the whole chapter after writing it is taboo for me, so any mistakes are my own and I'll fix them when I get the chance.

Reviews would be loved!

* * *

Title- Don't Look At Me With That Tone Of Voice

Rating-T

Warning-None, really.

Summary- Kendall reaches his breaking point and gets detention all in the same day, and as if that wasn't bad enough, James, Carlos and Logan decided to all get detention on the same damn day. Kendall hated irony.

* * *

Let's rearrange. I wish you were a stranger I could disengage. Just say that we agree and then never change Soften a bit until we all just get along. But that's disregard. Find another friend and you discard. As you lose the argument in a cable car. Hanging above as the canyon comes between. Everyone knows I'm in over my head.

-Over my Head (Cable Car) by The Fray

* * *

He had been pacing back and forth for so long he had dismissed all concept of time.

The chill of the air and the constriction of his muscles from moving so much it hurt had relatively numbed his body awhile ago, but nothing was helping to shut down his overloaded, stressed out mind.

He wasn't sure how long he had been in that small room, feeling as if the walls were closing in on him, suffocating him. His chest ached with every shaky breath, which was doing a swell job of hindering his balance on his equally shaky legs. His eyes were shut tightly. He wanted to block it out. He wanted it to go away.

He finally opened his eyes, but his sight was blurred by more tears. He choked back a sob and slid down against the wall until he was on the floor in a crumpled, painful heap.

He couldn't see. He couldn't breath. He couldn't move. He couldn't think clearly. He didn't want to.

The last thing he wanted was a crystal clear reality check.

_Don't. Don't. Not again. Not again. You're stronger than this._

The words repeated in his mind at a migraine inducing speed, but telling himself over and over was not making him believe it. He froze.

Nothing mattered right now. No one was looking for him. No one gave a damn enough to even consider attempting to come find him.

He didn't blame them.

He was alone.

He got up a little too quickly, making his limbs ache even more. He trudged over to the sink and glared as his reflection in the smudged mirror.

_Look at yourself. You're pathetic! Haven't you learned by now? Pathetic. That's all you'll ever be._

He cried harder as anger boiled up in the bit of his stomach. He continued to stare into the mirror, but it only made him feel worse. He could see nothing positive in himself at that moment, and he just wanted to disappear.

_Pathetic. Pathetic. Oh, you thought you were stronger? You'll never be stronger. _

He pulled his hair roughly and hit his forehead against the mirror. This was just too much for him to handle right now.

He thought he had finally gotten out. He thought it was over. It wasn't. The pain from the past hadn't faded, it has just been numbed slightly, only to be replaced with more pain he had no control over.

He figured he had to relearn to embrace the pain.

_Calm down! Calm down!_

He reached his right hand under his jacket and dug his nails into his left arm as hard as he could, biting his lip hard enough to draw blood, intensifying the pain and letting the endorphins numb him.

After a minute or two, he sighed in relief as he slowly came down from his panic attack. He dried his tear stained face with his sleeve and breathed in deeply as he looked around for any indication of what to do now that he _wasn't_ having a mental breakdown.

He sat back on the floor against the wall, taking in a few more deep breaths, taking enjoyment in the fact that he could breath properly again. He closed his eyes, only halfway trying to will away sleep.

His eyes were heavy and he was drifting off, when-

"Kendall Knight!"

Kendall's eyes snapped open, but he couldn't bring himself to his feet in time.

It was his teacher.

"Oh, so I see this is where you've been skipping class." she tapped her foot in quite an agitating way and glared down at him.

All he could do was sit in silence and emotionless guilt. There was no point in denying her true accusation.

"Do you need to go to the office? If you have a problem…" Her posture softened, but her eyes were hard with what he could only guess was annoyance.

He hated fake sympathy. He hated it even more so when he was being looked down upon.

"No."

"Then you get a detention."

Kendall jumped to his feet, ignoring the immediate dizzy spell.

"What?" he exclaimed dramatically.

She just smirked victoriously and hissed a harsh "Come on!" before exiting the restroom, and he had no choice but to reluctantly trail behind her.

* * *

"I'm going!"

Kendall rolled his eyes as he was dragged to the room detention was being held in and shoved through the door.

He shook his head, trying to keep himself calm. Maybe this wasn't so bad. He could get the homework he had been putting off lately-doubtful- and he could try to clear his head, maybe take a nap in one of the uncomfortable, but at he moment, oddly welcoming desks.

Or so was his plan, until he saw just who he was stuck in detention for the next two hours in the company of.

"Just my luck." James spat, not even making eye contact with him.

Logan rolled his eyes.

Carlos gulped and kept his head down, eyes glued to his desk.

Kendall hated irony, so fucking much.

Being the only four students who had been stupid enough to get detention on today of all days, some asshole apparently decided it would be a marvelous idea to put the only four desks in the room in a group, facing one another. Carlos sat facing Logan, and Kendall was stuck sitting in the seat facing James.

_I hate my life. I hate my life._

Kendall dropped his book bag on the floor beside what he wished was an electric chair and plopped down in the hard wooden seat less than gracefully.

It was silent for seconds, minutes, what felt like hours, and Kendall didn't like being able to hear the four of them breath. And from the glare James was aiming at him, he wasn't sure James even liked breathing the same air as the three of them.

_If it bothers you so much, you could stop breathing anytime, buddy._

"Problem?" Kendall muttered, resting his face in his palm, making direct eye contact. He had lost all fear of James the day he learned his secrets. He could blackmail the hell out of this guy, but he wasn't that kind of person.

Though, James could certainly be the one to change that.

"Yes." James stated bluntly, his eyes burning with hate and something that looked to Kendall like longing, or disappointment of some sort. He figured his eyes must have been deceiving him, or, for all he know, he was just losing his god damn mind.

"Mind telling me what it is?" Kendall mumbled sarcastically, laying his chin on top his arms on his desk, not breaking eye contact.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Wouldn't you both like to shut the hell up?" Logan sighed in irritation as his stomach grumbled loudly. He winced slightly, but played it off as if nothing had happened.

"You steal all the weak kids' food, yet you're still hungry?" James looked amused, and Logan scowled, but then a devilish smirk took it's place.

"You beat up all the weak kids, yet you're still a pussy?"

James' lip twitched in anger, like he was about to say something, but couldn't. He shook his head, his mouth forming words but nothing came out. Finally he mumbled a "fuck you" and looked away.

"Point proven." Logan yawned in boredom.

"Ow!"

James, Kendall and Logan shot Carlos confused and ever-so-slightly curious stares as the Latino stuck his finger in his mouth. When he noticed the strange looks however, he laughed nervously and removed his finger.

"Paper cuts. They…. they hurt…." he stumbled over his words and looked away, embarrassed, and shut his notebook.

"Cuts hurt." Kendall shrugged, his voice void of all emotion. The only troubling point in his simple response was the eye contact he was making with Logan as he said it.

Carlos and James looked between the two with mixed emotions spread across their faces. Logan's mouth was slightly agape as he gave Kendall a death stare. Kendall did nothing but frown.

"Emo freak." James murmured under his breath, but everyone at the table still heard him loud and clear.

"Take that back and I _won't_ fucking kill you." Logan's voice held so much venom it sent visible shivers up James' spine. Kendall and Carlos were just as frightened, because their bully had his own bully to deal with, and he was far more dangerous to all three of them.

"Fine, I take it back." James hid his fear with a roll of his eyes.

The two stared each other down, unable to break away from the death glaring contest for a good fifty seconds.

"At least I'm popular." James snapped, but immediately looked like he regret letting those words slip out of his mouth.

"At least I'm not a wimp." Logan smirked.

Finally the two looked away from each other, each consumed in their own angry thoughts until Kendall spoke up.

"Who would be stupid enough to care about popularity?"

James' shoulders tensed.

"Everyone he is fake anyway. Fake friends," Kendall stared James down until he sensed the eyes searing into his skin. "fake happiness."

"Shut up!" James yelled. His voice was angry but his eyes told a whole different story. A much more pained one. "What the hell right do you have to talk? Last time I checked you didn't have _either_ of those things, fake or not!"

Kendall took in a deep breath, keeping his cool.

"I'd prefer that to having to hide my feelings every day, and pretending I'm happy when I'm not. At least I'm not _fake_."

Carlos scoffed, taking everyone by surprise.

"Stop acting like it's all so easy." he murmured, sounding close to tears.

"I wouldn't care how much shit I had to go through so long as someone had my back. I don't care about popularity anyway, I'd stick by someone regardless." Kendall shrugged, tracing random shapes on his desk with his fingertips.

Carlos shifted in his seat, lost in thought.

Silence ingulfed the room again, and the air was thick with suspense and unspoken words.

"We could have a dance-off!"

"The fuck?" James questioned randomly as the strange exclamation hit their ears.

They all looked out the open classroom door to spot two teachers talking.

"In the upcoming pep assembly! A dance off! Let's let the students have a little fun, and I'll even go down there and dance!" The nerdiest teacher in their school starting doing some god awful, cheesy dance from who knows how long ago, and the boys shot each other disturbed glances, trying to hold it back, but in the end, all they could do was laugh. (1)

"A dance off, really?" Kendall laughed, nearly choking.

Carlos laughed and Kendall was glad to see the boy with a sincere smile on his face again.

Logan covered his mouth, trying to hide his amused smile, but he failed, and just started laughing harder.

"Our school is so fuckin' weird." James commented, smiling, shaking his head.

"If they have a dance off, I would laugh my ass off if Logan went down there and did it." In retrospect, Kendall probably should have kept that funny thought to himself, but he blurted it out without thinking and he was truly lucky it didn't get an unfortunate result.

James and Carlos laughed so hard they could barely breath, so their laughs were silent and they just sat their gasping for breath every couple of seconds and clapping like idiots.

Logan actually joined in on the fun, and laughed along.

"I do _not_ dance." he pointed at Kendall accusingly, laughing again. It was so odd to hear him laugh. It was unheard of until now.

"You will _learn_!" Carlos said it much more dramatically than he needed to.

The four continued to laugh for the next minute or so, before another teacher walked into the room.

"An after school class needs this room for something, so you guys are getting out early." she smiled, walking out just as quick as she had entered.

Their laughs died down and they looked between each other awkwardly.

"Bye..?" Carlos mumbled, not sure how to react. He picked up his bag and ran out a little too fast.

James looked to Kendall, then Logan, then Kendall, then Logan, then got up and walked out without a word.

"That was awkward." Logan felt the need to point out.

"Yeah…."

Kendall couldn't take the nervousness he felt about this whole, strange situation anymore, but sadly for him, Logan stopped him before he could even make it to the door.

"Hey, uhh, look…"

Kendall turned to look at him, eyebrows raised in hopeful anticipation. Had he finally gotten on the guys good side? He wanted to think so, but he doubted it severely.

"Here." Logan said shortly, shoved his fist toward Kendall and dropping money into his palm.

"Uh, what is-"

"That money, that you lent him, you know, to pay my electricity bill since my parents couldn't…Now I don't owe you, we're even." Logan added a glare to that statement out of habit, but it faded and was replaced with a frown.

"Oh, ok…Thanks…" Kendall mumbled, shrugging and nodding as he shoved the bills in his pants pocket. He turned to leave again when the loud growling of Logan's stomach made him pause again.

He twisted around just in time to see Logan grip his stomach, wincing in pain.

When Logan caught on to the fact that Kendall had let to leave, he shook in nervousness and pain.

"What?" he asked in a shaky voice. He felt like he was going to pass out, especially now that he was standing.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Kendall, don't-"

"When was the last time you ate?" he asked more sternly this time, taking a step forward.

"Just drop it-"

"Logan! When was the-"

"Three days ago, ok!" Logan's voice cracked, and he backed up a step. "Other than school lunch, three days ago. Can you drop it now? It's none of your-"

Kendall held his hand out to Logan with the money he had shoved to him only a minute before.

"Take it back."

"But I owe you-"

Logan, you need it, I don't. I have food and electricity, I don't need to worry about making ends meet. Just-"

"Fine!" Logan snatched the money back, moving quickly to wipe away a stray tear that ran down his cheek.

"I want to help." Kendall's heart hurt just looking at him.

"I don't need help! I've been doing this long enough, I can take care of myself! Why can't you just forget about it?"

"Do you honestly expect me to stand by and watch you suffer, Logan? You told me everything, remember? I can't just forget about it, not when I see you everyday. We live in Minesotta and you don't even have a coat!"

Logan couldn't respond and hold back his tears at the same time, so he gazed out the window sadly and kept his mouth shut.

"Keep the money, maybe you won't have to steal from the store for a few days." Kendall's voice came out a tad bit harsher than he would have liked, but Logan needed to learn to drop his wall and accept help when he needed it to do something most took for granted, like having food to eat.

Even if he couldn't get his life on track, maybe he could get Logan's on track, or at least have a part in keeping him alive.

He hoped he appreciated it.

* * *

I finally updated again, aren't you proud? :D

This was wicked fun to write, so I hope you guys enjoy.

(1) I got this idea from my own school. My school had a dance off. It was…..mentally scarring. My school is so fucking weird. xD


	8. Call Someone Else

Title: Call Someone Else

Rating: M

Warnings: Under aged drinking, fighting, and mild sexual situations

Summary: James' pleas to leave the party of the year fall on deaf ears and the only person he has to call on for help is Kendall. Sadly, no one else sees the good in Kendall just yet, and James can't seem to make up his mind on what he's more afraid of; losing his popularity, or losing the only person who gives a damn about him.

* * *

"People say I'm the life of the party because, I tell a joke or two. Although I may be laughing loud and hearty, deep inside I'm blue. So take a good look at my face. You'll see my smile seems out of place, and if you look closer it's easy to trace the tracks of my tears."

-Tracks of my Tears by Smokey Robinson (Although I only enjoy this song when it's sung by James Maslow or Adam Lambert (: )

* * *

"So we'll get there around eight, party all night," Seth smiled, eyeing the homework assignment laid out before him. He nibbled at the end of his pen, narrowing his eyes.

"Why are you even bothering with looking over that, you know damn well you're not gonna do it." James muttered, swiveling his pop can and swirling the remaining contents, trying to keep his mind somewhat occupied. The last thing he wanted to do at the moment was have this conversation.

"What's your issue?" Tiffany, one of the few snobs he somehow ended up associating himself with more often than he'd like asked harshly, poking him in the shoulder roughly with her gaudy pink glue-on nails.

"Nothing, just…nothing!" His head was throbbing with an approaching migraine and he didn't even want to go to the stupid party they were discussing, but as usual, his plans had been decided for him without his prior knowledge or consent.

"Well get rid of the bitchy mood before the party tonight." Tiffany's glare lessened and she smiled almost comfortingly. "C'mon, just drink and chill."

She handed James a sprite bottle filled with what he could only guess was beer or something of the sort and he grimaced. Sure, enough of the nasty liquid would numb him and let him unwind and have some fun, but it was short lived and always made him feel emptier than before. He either wanted to find a way to cure his excessive depression when sober, or just be drunk forever.

James snatched the bottle out of her palm and chugged it. When it was empty he slammed it down on the wooden lunch table they were seated at outside the school.

The school day had ended a little over an hour ago, and they were all waiting for their ride.

"There, feel better?" Tiffany winked, latching onto James' arm like a clingy girlfriend.

"Sure." James mumbled, sighing heavily. "I'm actually thinking of skipping the party." He admitted.

A silence so heavy and thick you couldn't slice through it with a chainsaw fell upon them. All eyes were searing into him and he rolled his eyes. What had he gotten himself into now?

"Uhm, it's the party of the year, and, you're _going_."

"I don't really want to. That's all we ever fucking do, I'm sick of parties." James stated, narrowing his eyes, gaining more confidence in sticking up for his opinions.

"You can't get sick of parties." Seth laughed, almost sounding nervous.

"Well I am."

"This is Kendall's fault, isn't it? Tiffany sneered as the boy's name rolled off her tongue.

"What are you saying?" James glared at her, not sure if he really wanted to have this discussion.

"He's changed you, he's really screwed you up." She said in a know-it-all ton. Her voice was really getting on James' last nerve at the moment.

_I haven't changed. I've always felt like this. You two have just never cared enough to ask my opinion. You've never cared enough to ask._

James was finding it very difficult to believe he had once considered these two his best friends. Kendall had changed him. He had knocked some common sense into him.

"You're really looking to fuck up your life, aren't you?" Seth asked in a low voice that sent shivers up James' spine. Seth looked up at him through dark eyes, his head still lowered reading the paper he had been attempting to work on.

His eyes told the horror story James hadn't wanted to think about.

_You've already screwed yourself over,_ his eyes said. _Keep your mouth shut and go along with it like you've always done._ _You can't walk away, you can't even say what you want to say,_ his eyes said. _We'll make your life hell. Is that what you want? To be treated like Kendall and Carlos? _His eyes seemed to ask, a smirk making its way onto his face.

"Well?" Seth asked, feigning innocence. "What do say, _buddy_?"

James' mouth felt dry and he could barely bring himself to talk.

"You can't be serious." James felt like he couldn't breathe. He felt the held back tears pool in his eyes and he looked up at the sky to keep them from running down his face. When he calmed down after a few seconds, he met Seth's eyes. "I can do whatever the fuck I want."

Tiffany laughed quietly by his side, and as much as that hurt him, he couldn't bring himself to look at her. He wanted to think what he said hadn't been what had amused her, but he knew pursuing an answer would just disappoint him.

"You don't have the right." Seth mouthed the words silently, causing James to raise a brow. "You sealed your fate the first day you talked to Kendall. You do what we say, or you're gonna pay."

James kept his eyes locked on Seth, horrified. He gasped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and jumped right out of his seat, falling on his butt in the grass. He could barely hold back tears but met the eyes of the newcomer's eyes regardless.

It was a group of seniors who James was also "friends" with. They had come to pick up the three of them for the party.

"Uh, James, you feeling ok." The taller boy, Matt, asked, trying to hold back a laugh. The few other kids behind him weren't so kind and let their amusement show. No one offered to help him up.

"I…Uh, I…" James stuttered, taking a deep breath. He looked up at Seth with sad begging eyes.

_I thought we were friends. You can't do this to me. Do you even care._

Seth smirked and shrugged, and Tiffany finally joined in on the torture.

"Get up." She mouthed, the cruel look in her eyes scaring him to no end. He honestly felt like he was going to die. Or maybe he just wanted to.

There was nothing he could do.

"Earth to James! Are you ok?" Matt said a little too loud, laughing.

_Don't ask me if I'm ok. You don't give a fuck either way._

"Yeah." James lied, standing up and brushing himself off.

All eyes were on him, so he put up his normal, stuck up act. He had to suck it up and deal with it right now, he had no choice.

He flipped his perfect brown hair and put on his usual fake smile.

"Are we gonna go party or what?"

Everyone smirked, and "yeah"'s and "let's go!"'s were heard over the laughing and talking. Everyone piled into the few cars that were getting the large group of teens to the biggest party of the year.

James made extra effort to get into a separate car from Seth and Tiffany.

The car rumbled as it started up and James stared out the window, lost in thought. He didn't want to go. He didn't want to drink. He didn't want to party. He barely knew these people. He didn't want to keep up this act. He didn't want to hold back the tears anymore. All he wanted to do right now was lock himself in his room and cry until he couldn't anymore.

_I hate my life. I hate my life._

"You look tense." the girl sitting beside him frowned, offering him a bottle of some unknown alcoholic beverage. "Want some."

James took it and took a large gulp of it, feeling his head spin almost immediately.

On the other hand, maybe he needed this. He needed to get away from reality for a while. Maybe getting drunk out of his mind would numb him to the fact that his life was one big fucking nightmare.

"Having fun yet?" another girl winked at him. He smirked.

"Yup." He lied.

It didn't matter anymore. Nothing did. He hoped he got so drunk tonight he'd pass out and never wake up.

His life was one big lie anyway.

* * *

James had barely been at the party for an hour before he had gotten himself into a whole new kind of trouble.

A beautiful blonde haired beauty with sparkling apple green eyes had approached him five minutes ago, and cut to the chase. She wanted him, and he was just drunk enough to say yes, and just upset enough to not give a damn what he did anymore.

He didn't care about any consequences he would have to face in the morning. He had had one of the worst days of his life, and he deserved to have a little fun.

Their heated make-out session was earning them the attention of everyone around them and everyone was laughing and cheering and pushing them towards an empty bedroom.

Once the door was slammed behind them, the girl-James had no clue what her name was- smirked. She slipped her shirt off and through it to the floor.

"Want me?" she asked, licking her lips.

James pushed her down onto the bed, not wasting time being gentle. He didn't say a word as he crawled on top of her and reunited their lips.

She let her hands travel up under his shirt, running her fingertips over his defined abs he had earned from going to the gym with a few of his "friends". He shivered at her touch and, let his hands explore her, smirking at the reactions he was getting from the older girl beneath him.

He had done this plenty of times and plenty of parties. It got a little easier every time, but it made him feel so empty when it was done and over with. With the situation he was stuck in, he had a feeling he'd never fall in love, and sex was always going to be a regular routine not meant to show love, but instead to keep up his image.

He had a feeling he'd never say those three words he wished someone would say to him.

He was so deep in his own thoughts and the blonde he was messing with, he didn't even notice the door behind him open until it was far too late.

"Hey!"

"Can't you see we're-" James was cut off when he felt a fist connect with his face. He fell to the floor and within seconds he was picked up by the collar of his shirt and slammed into the wall.

He opened his eyes slowly, seeing stars. He could taste blood, and he couldn't move.

When his eyes focused again, he knew he was in deep shit.

"M-Matt." Now he recognized that girl. It was Matt's girlfriend. "I can explain."

"You're fuckin' dead!"

Both of them got some impressive punches in, but Matt was not only stronger than him, but he was already drunk, and Matt had always been an angry, violent drunk.

James crawled towards the door, but Matt grabbed his leg and flipped him over roughly and punched him again.

"Not the face!"

There was a large group outside the door clapping and cheering, but not a single helping hand or at the very least a sympathetic glance.

James kicked Matt hard in the face before getting up and running as fast as he could, because right now, his life basically depended on how far his legs could take him in the least amount of time.

He ran into a random bathroom in the huge mansion-like house, and slid down against the door until he was on the floor. Blood was gushing out of his noise, he tasted the metal flavor in his mouth, his head and face were throbbing with pain, and his whole body, his ribs and his legs especially, ached almost unbearably.

He could hear the music outside the door getting louder, and the people who were having the time their lives in this hellhole.

He couldn't hold it back anymore. He sat in the almost pitch black bathroom, alone, and sobbed his eyes out.

He didn't know whether he was in there for two minutes or two hours before someone started banging on their door.

Horrified that it was Matt again, he coughed and tried not to sound like himself.

"What?"

"James, open the door!" It was Seth. James had no clue what possessed him to open the door for the boy, but he did. Seth and Tiffany entered the room, closing the door behind them and switching on the lights.

"Wow, he did a number on you, didn't he?" Seth's voice actually held a hint of worry and it almost made James smile.

He walked over and looked himself over in the mirror, wincing. He was wrecked and now he felt like crying all over again. His looks were all he had, and now they were tarnished and he felt more worthless than ever.

Tiffany grabbed a towel and started patting the blood off James' face and Seth handed him a glass of water. James was actually happy to have gotten his ass kicked if it meant his "friends" would actually act like friends!

"Thanks guys." He offered a tiny, sincere smile.

"Shush." Tiffany said, and James hoped she had said that not because she didn't want a sentimental conversation, and instead because she was trying to clean him up.

Once down, the three sat down on the bathroom floor and Seth spoke up.

"So, did you get laid?" he asked, smirking, elbowing James in the side, making him wince. "Sorry."

_You almost sounded like you meant it when you said sorry._

"No, actually I didn't." James laughed lightly, shrugging.

"You rebel, going after the most popular senior's girl like that." Tiffany laughed, smiling at him.

"I'm drunk, I forgot!" James defended, laughing himself. It was the first sincere laugh he had had in he didn't know how long.

"Well you're about to be more drunk." Seth smiled playfully, standing up.

"I don't wanna go back out there." James admitted, frowning.

"Stop being a chicken!" Seth glared down at him, looking like he himself was going to kick James' ass.

"Look, as much as I hate to admit it, I just got my ass kicked, I feel like shit, and I want to leave!"

"Well that's gonna be pretty hard to do in a few minutes." Tiffany stated, standing up aswell.

Seth smirked, an evil aura radiating off of him. James was scared.

"Why?"

"Your drink was spiked, really fucking spiked. I can't believe you were stupid enough to drink it." Seth laughed, leaning against the door.

James must have been more drunk than he thought to have thought that had been water.

"You're not going anywhere."

"Yes I-…" James stopped midsentence, crawling over to the toilet before he threw up on the floor. After about two minutes, he looked up at Seth in shock.

"What the fuck did you give me?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Seth laughed again.

"Please, stop. I wanna leave, please." James didn't think he could make it home himself in the condition he was in.

"If you wanna leave, leave yourself." Seth's smile faded, and a scowl took its place. "I don't owe you a thing, Diamond."

With those painful words thrown at him, he walked the two of them walk out, slamming the door behind them.

James started to cry all over again and he honestly just wished he were dead. Anything was better than this.

He had to get out of here.

But what could he do?

Without thinking, he took out his cellphone and texted the only person who cared enough to come help him. At least, he hope he still cared.

'_Kendall, I know I fucked up. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I'm an idiot. I know you don't owe me anything, but please please come help me. You're the only one I can trust please come get me.'_

He knew if he hesitated, he'd get too scared to send it, so he pressed send and shoved his phone in his pocket, shutting his eyes and hoping with all his willpower for the best. He was so relieved when his phone buzzed, but as he took it out of his pocket, a nervous feeling washed over him as he thought of Kendall saying no.

'_What happened? Where are you, James?'_

James was overjoyed that he still had the chance to make things right.

'_A party I got dragged to. You're right these aren't my friends. You have no idea what happened to me today before I got here, and they spiked my drink and I got my ass kicked. Please come get me. No one else will,'_

Kendall responded in under a minute, and James was so surprised, because it was already eleven at night, and Kendall was still willing to help him. This party was just getting started for everyone else, but James needed out _now_.

'_Are you ok? Are you hurt?'_

'_I've been crying in a bathroom for I don't know how long, does that answer your question? And not seriously hurt, but hurt.'_

'_Where are you?'_

'_You'd actually help me after everything?'_

'_Yes James, I would. Now where are you?'_

'_But why?'_

'_Because I know how you feel. Don't you remember, we talked about this…?'_

'_I know, I just don't understand…'_

'_You deserve to have at least one person on your side.'_

'_Thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me…'_

'_You're welcome. Where are you?'_

'_Do you know where the really good, kinda rich neighborhood is?'_

'_Where Logan lives?'_

'_Yeah. Why do you know where Logan lives?'_

'_Don't ask. Why do you?'_

'_I was friends with him years ago, when we were both like six.'_

'_Seriously?'_

'_Yeah. It's a block or two away from his house. The big red and white house. You sure it's not too far? You don't have to come…'_

'_Do I have to come in to get you?'_

'_I don't know. I'm scared to leave this room, honestly.'_

'_Don't move. I'll be there as soon as I can.'_

* * *

Kendall wasn't quite sure why he had responded to that text. He wasn't sure why he cared. He wasn't sure why he wanted to help James.

Despite his turmoil, he was running full speed down the sidewalk to do just that.

When he got to the location of the party, he froze. It was crazy. The music was deafening and there were even people on the front lawn. He wanted to turn around and run, but he had made James' a promise, and it was one he had to keep.

Sure he and James weren't completely on good terms, but James had begged for help and this was his safety on the line. Maybe it was because James' fake exterior reminded Kendall of himself back at his old home before he came to Minnesota, and he knew James needed help before he got to the point Kendall had back then, because it was too hard to turn back once that point was reached. No one should ever have to go through that kind of pain.

Kendall pushed past random drunk teens and pushed open the front door. No one said a word to him, too absorbed in whatever they were doing to even notice who he was.

Kendall started searching but he didn't know where exactly to look. He took out his phone and texted James as quickly and as shortly as possible.

'_can't find u. walk out'_

James got the text and did as he was instructed. He walked out of the bathroom and scanned the room until he saw his rescuer.

James ran over to him and attacked him in a hug, catching Kendall completely off guard.

"Thank you." James mumbled, and Kendall dragged him out the door, ignoring the multiple pairs of eyes watching them leave.

When they were far enough away from the house, Kendall stopped, catching his breath, and sat down, ushering for James to sit as well.

"Thank you for helping me." James smiled softly, earning a smile back.

"Maybe you should find new friends." Kendall chuckled, but his suggestion was all serious.

"I want to trust me, but…."

"But what?"

"I can't." James lowered his head, not wanting to cry anymore that day.

"Why do you say that?" Kendall questioned, being patient with the traumatized teen.

"They threatened me. I don't wanna know what they'll do to me." James admitted, choking back a sob.

Kendall bit his lip. What was he supposed to say to that? He wanted to say that he'd live, and that popularity wasn't everything. He wanted to tell him that walking away from the people he once thought were his closest friends wouldn't be that hard. He wanted to tell him to be strong and move on.

But Kendall knew damn well that it was never that easy.

"Are they the ones who hurt you?" Kendall asked, worried.

"No, some guy beat my ass because his girlfriend was all over me." James frowned.

Kendall took out his phone and shined it on James face to see the damage better.

His lip was split, but the blood had stopped thanks to the dry blood over the cut. His right eye was surrounded by a dark bruise, and there were tiny bruises on his forehead and cheeks. His hair was a mess and had tiny dots of red in it, and his shirt had tiny stains as well.

"Anything else?"

James bit his lip and raised his shirt, scared to see what other damage Matt had caused him. He hadn't checked thoroughly yet.

Kendall hissed as if he could feel the pain. There were dark bruises covering his whole chest and abdomen and Kendall was surprised James had enough strength to walk.

"It hurts." James mumbled, crying again.

"It's gonna be ok, James. It's gonna be ok."

* * *

Back at the party, Seth walked out, looking around.

"Hey, have you seen James?" he asked some random girl was dancing and drinking in the yard with a group of other girls.

"Diamond? Yeah, that Kendall kid dragged him out like ten minutes ago." She stated, laughing and spilling her drink and she danced.

Seth's eyes narrowed.

"Oh really?" he muttered, his fists tightening at his sides.

James was gonna pay for running off.

* * *

Kendall could not believe his luck.

He had been stopped on his way to lunch by the popular kids and was currently getting grief for dragging one of the "popular kids" out of "the party of the year".

"You're gonna be sorry you ever poked your nose into something that doesn't concern you." Seth smirked. He kicked James, who he had banished to sitting on the ground next to the table instead of getting his normal seat. When it was thirteen against one, James had known he had no choice but to follow orders.

"Seth, knock it off." James' eyes were hard, but his voice sounding pathetic and scared.

Seth kicked him from under the table and James groaned in pain and when he caught his breath he looked up to Kendall.

"Maybe you should just get out of here." He mumbled sadly.

"But James-"

Seth kicked him again and he felt like the most pathetic, unlucky guy in the world. He shook with pain and embarrassment and looked back to Kendall with pleading eyes.

"Just go!"

Kendall glared daggers at the boy on the ground. He knew he should he been more sympathetic considering what he was watching James go through, but he was so angry he couldn't think straight.

"Next time you need help, call someone else." Kendall muttered darkly, storming off.

James watched him leave with sad eyes, wishing he could follow him. He wished he could just have one friend who he could go to and hang out with and talk to without fearing for his safety.

_Please don't go. Please don't go. I'm gonna die here without your help._

* * *

So far, I've enjoyed writing this chapter the most. It broke my heart to write James going through all that though! I desperately need to get back to studying for my Latin test, but I hope you all enjoy reading this chapter.

I remember in the first episode of Big Time Rush when James sang "Tracks Of My Tears" and it really inspired this chapter. I honestly believe that says something about his character.

REVIEW. Tell me what you think.

Oh, and I still need a beta reader! (:


	9. I'll Break All Of You

I'm so inspired by all the wonderful feedback I've been getting on this story!

I've been writing for years, but this is my first multi-chaptered story that I can honestly say I'm proud of, and I never get tired of working on it. Thank you guys so much! (:

Read on~!

* * *

Title- I'll Break All of You

Rating- Personally, I would class this as T, but to some it may be bordering M

Warnings- This chapter may be a little confusing, let's just leave it at that

Summary~ After having a heart to heart with Carlos, Kendall finally regains his friendship with the boy. That friendship is again put in jeopardy however, when Kendall spills a little bit more information on James and Logan than Carlos wants to know. Kendall then single-handedly organizes a sneaky meet-up of all four boys. Sadly, they don't have many nice words for him, or for each other.

* * *

"So just pull the trigger. As my life flashes before my eyes, I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise. So many won't get the chance to say goodbye, but it's too late to think of the value of my life. And you can see my heart beating. Oh, you can see it through my chest. Said I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving, no. I know that I must pass this test. So just pull the trigger."

-Russian Roulette by Rihanna

* * *

_One more day. One more day._

Those were the only words currently keeping Kendall's sanity somewhat intact.

It was Friday, meaning he only had a few hours in his hellish school before he could lock himself in his house all weekend and continue to try to convince himself that life wasn't as bad as it seemed.

Kendall sighed. That idea didn't hold any meaning anymore, because life _was_ as bad as it seemed, and more.

He shivered as a strong gust of wind tore through his body, and for a second, the only thing his mind could focus on was his severe hatred for everything around him.

The cold, the school, the people, the new expectations that had been put on him, the fact that he had no friends, and the fact that the only three people at this school he would risk his health for, for reasons unknown to himself, all probably wished he would just get the fuck out of their lives; he hated all of it.

Kendall hated everything right now.

_Fuck my life…._

He could feel himself tearing up and he stopped dead in his tracks on the sidewalk a few feet from the front doors of the school. He was considering just turning around, going back home, and saving himself the suffering for an extra day.

What did it matter if he missed school? He had no one to be there for. He had no one who needed him to be there.

What did it matter if he had another breakdown? He had no one to be strong for. No one was asking him if he was ok. He had no one to trick into thinking he was ok.

He wasn't ok and he accepted that.

He just wasn't sure how much longer he could live with it.

He took a deep breath and looked at the school, shaking his head. He just couldn't deal with it today.

He started walking in the other direction when he heard a familiar voice, or, cry.

Kendall raised a brow, turning swiftly, just in time to see Carlos get shoved into the side of the school.

"They're at it again…" Kendall mumbled to himself, stuck between wanting to help him, and wanting to escape so he wouldn't have to put up with the same treatment.

He _hated _his conscious with a passion.

"Get off!" Carlos cried, trying to escape only to be thrown back into the wall with more force and punched in the stomach.

"Hey, leave him alone!" Kendall demanded dropping his book-bag and running fast enough to gain the force to knock on of Carlos' captors to the ground.

"Who in the hell are you?" one of the boys asked. The four douchebags were tall and muscular, but when Kendall heard Carlos cry and saw him get punched once again, all his fear disappeared.

Kendall gritted his teeth, to angry to answer. He decided to stop wallowing in his own self- pity and do something, because Carlos was much worse off than he was. He never did a thing to the bastards at this school. Other than _exist_, but apparently that was enough reason for them to justify what they did.

"Kendall, you shouldn't be here." Carlos whimpered, his eyes shut tight. His quiet remark still earned him punishment. He got kicked hard where it hurt and he fell to his knees, shaking but keeping as quiet as he could to avoid another blow.

"Keep quiet, kid!" one of the boys sneered down at him before glowering back down at Kendall.

"You're gonna be sorry you stepped into something that didn't concern ya', kid."

_As if I didn't already feel that way about a lot of things._

As Kendall had a scowling match with the older teen, he didn't even notice two of the other come up and grab either of his arms until it was too late.

Kendall took in an unsteady breath as the bullies just smirked. He analyzed the situation to the best of his ability.

He was being held back by two boys clearly stronger than himself, the cocky asshole standing in front of him probably had a higher advantage over him as well, and the last boy was by the wall degrading Carlos, who was on the ground, soaking the grass with tears and blood.

As far as Kendall was concerned, they were fucked.

And he hated himself for interfering, because maybe, just maybe Carlos would have been better off on his own, and Kendall has just fucked him over even more.

_Just like I did to James._

James may not have been _happy_ before Kendall came along, but at least the thought of having to fear for his life had probably never crossed his mind.

"Guys, I think we've been too easy on the schools little _outcast_." The boy by Carlos smirked, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a switchblade.

Carlos' eyes grew wide and he tried to back up, but he had nowhere to go. Tears streamed down his bruised cheeks and he started mumbling inaudible words that sounded faintly like _please no_.

That was the final straw. Kendall started struggling with all the strength he could muster against the boys who had a hold of him.

"Let go! Fuckin' let go of me!"

He stomped on one of their feet and elbowed the other in the face and finally got away, only to be tripped by one, and falling straight on his face.

"Give up kid!" the boy who had been just standing there watch everything go down growled, kicking him as he tried to crawl forward.

Kendall had never felt so angry. He felt like screaming.

The kid tried to punch him but Kendall pulled him down to punch back, and they threw random punches and kicks until Kendall hit him good enough to make him gasp and pause his attack. In that split second, Kendall jumped up and ran over to the kid in front of Carlos.

With quick thinking and quick reflexes, he swiped the blade out of the boys hand, wrapped his arm around his chest, and pressed the blade to his neck.

He wasn't thinking, at all. His mind was a fog of rage and he couldn't think of anything but making this guy _pay_.

"Ok, ok, man, calm down." One guy said, throwing his hands up in surrender.

"Yeah, we give." another said.

Kendall felt the boy he had a hold of breathe deeply, scared, and Kendall could do nothing but smirk mercilessly.

"You think it's gonna be that easy?" he asked, his cruel, cold voice surprising even himself.

"You're a monster." One boy mumbled, backing up, looking like he was about to break down in tears.

"M-monster…?" Kendall murmured. How could they say that? They were about to do the same thing to Carlos? But as he thought about it, and looked back on past experiences, he gasped. He _was_ acting like a monster. He was becoming more and more like the person he had always promised himself he'd never become.

He backed up, dropping the knife.

"Get outta here," Kendall said quietly, head down in shame. The boys just looked at each other, confused and a little unsure. "Now!" Kendall demanded.

They didn't need to be told a third time. They ran.

"K-Kendall…" Carlos' voice was barely above a whisper, but Kendall heard it loud and clear. The wind blew, making both boys shiver, and Carlos patted the ground beside him, ushering for Kendall to take a seat.

"You maybe have just….saved my life.

Kendall just smiled and shrugged, not really sure of how he was supposed to respond to that.

Carlos latched onto him in a tight hug, and when Kendall felt wetness on his shoulder and Carlos shaking at his side, he knew the boy was crying.

"T-thank you."

Kendall felt like crying himself. He never thought he was going to get out of New York alive, yet alone come to Minnesota and save someone else's life!

Kendall hugged him back, and they just stayed that way for what seemed like hours and neither of them minded. Finally, Kendall spoke up.

"I know you wanted me to leave you alone, but we're actually a lot alike, and we both need someone, and you're gonna get more hurt if you're alone,…" Kendall couldn't meet Carlos' eyes as he spoke.

Carlos bit his lip and nodding, looking away as well.

"I know. I just freaked out that day. I just feel bad. If you hadn't talked to me the first day you got here, you'd still be ok, Kendall." Carlos met his eyes, and his were so sad, so broken, and it broken Kendall's already damaged heart.

"Carlos, do you believe that everything happens for a reason?"

Carlos was clearly taken aback by the odd, out-of-the-blue question, and merely shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, I'm beginning to. And I think I met you, James and Logan for a reason. I've actually been through a lot with you three already." Kendall explained. He laughed heart-heartedly, "There's been points in the past few weeks where I thought I was friends with all three of you. But then you each told me that I was fucking things up for you even more, and to stay away from you."

Carlos looked shocked to say the least.

"You thought you were friends with James? And _Logan_?"

Kendall nodded, smiling at the few good memories he had with each of the three boys.

"Yeah, me and Logan were paired up for a science project. We actually started talking one night after something happened that really upset him; we actually ended up telling each other our whole life stories."

Carlos' mouth was agape, and the words he was trying to form weren't coming out.

"And James isn't actually as popular as you think he is. You have no idea what they put him through. He doesn't want to hang out with them. They told him if he tries to leave they'll make him pay, and he's scared to find out what they'll do."

"What could they do?" Carlos asked, stuck between caring and wanting to scoff and roll his eyes.

"I don't know, but they kicked his ass, and they drugged him at a party. I went to help him."

"And he blew you off after that?" Now Carlos just sounded annoyed.

"They made him. I saw it with my own eyes…" Kendall stared down at the ground sadly.

"Oh…"

Carlos started wiping the little blood that was still dripping out of his mouth and nose on his sleeve and kept his eyes fixated on anything and everything but Kendall.

"Are…_we_ friends?" Kendall could not have felt more awkward at having to ask that question.

"…."

Kendall was shocked, and offended that he didn't get an answer after what he just went through for the boys sake.

"Carlos?"

Carlos sighed and fidgeted under Kendall's eyes.

"Can you just, forget about James and Logan?"

"What?" Kendall raised a brow, thoroughly confused.

"I'm afraid you're gonna try to get us to all be friends, and, it's just not a good idea Kendall, trust me." The far off look in Carlos' eyes, and his monotone voice were scaring Kendall a little bit.

"I won't…." the words slipped out of Kendall's mouth without his given it much thought, and he dreaded thinking about the outcome of this day.

Carlos smiled a huge smile, and Kendall couldn't help but smile back.

"Friends?"

"Best friends!"

* * *

He was wrong. He was being an idiot. But he couldn't help it.

He didn't want to lose the only friend he had; His _best _friend.

But he had to do this. He had to try to save them. He didn't know why he had to, he just did. Something inside him told him that he had to, it was like he was doing it on instinct, or it was hardwired into him, like it was what he was put he to do, and damnit, he was going to do it if it killed him!

He just wanted to help him, the way that _no one_ ever even thought to help him.

* * *

"Any minute now."

"Kendall? What the hell!"

Kendall nodded slightly to himself, recognizing the voice and turning around to face a very pissed off Logan.

"Hey." Kendall offered, refusing to explain until the others showed up.

"Why did you put this in my locker?" Logan gritted his teeth, ripping a white piece of paper with the words "COME TO THE BACK FIELD AFTER SCHOOL" written in black sharpie scribbled on it.

"Wait." Kendall responded shortly, just shortening Logan's fuse more so.

"Kendall, I-"

"Hey, James."

"What?"

"Kendall, what the hell?"

James came stomping over to them, gripping the same sign Logan had in his hand.

"Why was this in my locker- And why the hell does he have one, why is he even _here_?"

"Patience." Kendall said, and he knew he was pissing the two boys off to no end. But he wasn't worried. He wasn't afraid of either of them anymore. He knew too much to be intimidated. If he couldn't get through to them with kindness, he would break them; all of them. All he had to do we get them to spill their feelings, and play a little game of therapist.

"Kendall, if you don't-"

"Carlos, over here!"

"Carlos?" both Logan and James demanded in sync, voices raised.

Carlos stopped dead in his tracks when he realized the two boys standing with his friend were in fact Logan and James.

"Kendall, why…?" All Carlos wanted to do was run and hide. He didn't know what to think of Kendall at this point.

He just shook his head at Kendall, his eyes holding a look of betrayal.

Kendall apologized with his eyes, and Carlos didn't have much of a choice but to step forward to see what this was about.

"Now tell us why the hell we're all here." Logan demanded, arms crossed, eyes locked on Kendall.

Kendall clapped his hand once, taking a breath.

"III'm surprised I actually got you all here, actually."

"Well we're here. Explain." James mumbled.

Kendall froze. He hadn't thought things out up to this point. He had no idea what to say.

"Can I just leave now?" Carlos murmured, shifting uncomfortably.

"What? Are you scared?" Logan asked, smirking slightly.

Carlos looked away, shaking his head, but they all knew he was afraid.

"Logan, knock it off. What kind of sick pleasure do you get from scaring everyone?" Surprisingly, it was James who spoke this opinion.

Logan turned to face James, looking angry.

"Last time I checked you had no problem playing with people's minds and intimidating people, Diamond."

"Yeah, but I'm not like you."

"Yes you are."

"You just do it to be a jackass." James declared, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically.

That pushed Logan over the edge.

"_I_ do it to be a jackass? _I'm_ not one of the popular kids._ I _don't make fun of people for how they dress or stupid shit like that. Carlos is just _weak_, and he needs to learn to stand up, because it's no one else's job to. And I don't act the way I do for no reason, like you do."

"I don't act the way I do for no fucking reason! You have no idea what I have to go through! You haven't even talked to me since we were six so don't judge what I do!"

"You have no idea what I go through either! And by that logic, you can't judge me either!"

"Don't blame any of it on me, Logan. You stopped talking to me! What happened wasn't my fault! I was there for you and you shut me out, just like you shut everyone else out!"

"You don't get it, James!"

"Because you won't tell me!"

"At least we're getting somewhere." Kendall said with wide eyes. He had no idea what the two were screaming at each other for, but they were getting somewhere. Hell, Kendall didn't need to break them they were doing it themselves.

"Shut up!" both boys yelled, their anger now directed at Kendall.

"Both of you be quiet!" Carlos yelled, taking everyone completely off guard. Kendall, James and Logan looked at each other in utter silence and pure shock as they waited for the shorter boy to continue.

"Kendall has stuck with us through all this crap we've put him through already. I know I said some pretty messed up stuff to him, even though he helped me, and he helped both of you too! Obviously _I _need help, James needs new friends because his are assholes, and I honestly don't know _what's_ wrong with you, Logan, but Kendall is the only one who has even _tried_ for us, and honestly, I'm surprised he's even still _here_ after everything he's had to go through already!" Carlos ranted, trying to catch his breath when he was finished.

"How much did you tell him?" James demanded, pointing an accusing finger at Carlos like It was his fault. "All that stuff I told you was supposed to stay between me and you Kendall…" James looked close to tears and Kendall could just mumble an apology.

"And _you_." Carlos muttered, glaring daggers at James, again taking everyone by surprise. "Always beating me up, or having your friends beating me up, or just watching as others beat me up, what the fuck? What the fuck did I _ever_ do? _Really_? I never did a thing to you, or anyone else. Am I weak? Yeah, maybe. Am I a crybaby? You would be to if nobody was ever here to back you up. But what right do you have to exploit it? Why should I have to come to a school where I'm outcast every day? Why is it that every time something good happens to me someone at this fuckin school ruins it for me? What the hell did I do to deserve it? Just fuckin tell me because obviously I'm an idiot, and I don't understand!" Carlos was sobbing, and no one could say a word.

James eyes looked slightly glassy, but all he did was shrug.

Carlos flipped him off he was he ran off.

"You know what, Kendall."

Kendall and Logan both turned to look back to James, who was shaking with what was probably anger.

"You _did_ fuck up my life, and now I can't fix it. So thanks. I want to be thankful for when you helped me, but if you hadn't fucked everything up in the first place you wouldn't have had to."

And with that, James ran off too.

Kendall was choking back tears at this point and Logan just shook his head and looked at Kendall with emotionless eyes.

"This is our school Kendall. This is our town. We grew up here. You think you know it all but you don't. Stop trying to fix is, because you can't."

Kendall wanted to say something, anything to make Logan stay, but there was nothing to say, and Logan left him alone as it started to snow.

He felt like his whole world had just stopped. It was over.

* * *

So, I started writing this is about 2:30am in the morning and finished at 5:00am. Now that I'm done, I need to go get ready for school. xD I really hope you all appreciate this chapter, because I stayed up all night writing it for you, haha.

The inspiration just suddenly hit me, I went with it, and I absolutely love how this chapter turned out.

Let me know what you think!

As usual, I had no beta-reader, and all mistakes are my own and will be corrected in time.*


	10. What do you want? What will you do?

Sorry it's taking me so long to update guys! I'm doing the best I can. I've been really sick lately, and this chapter did not come easily to me. I wrote the majority of it in history class and in gym class while sitting on the bleachers. xD Enjoy~!

Disclaimer- I don't own Big Time Rush, and I don't own **any** of the songs I use in this story.

* * *

Title: What do you want? What will you do?

Rating: M

Warnings: Strong language, drugs, mentions of drinking, cutting, mentions of suicide, possible mentions of death, mentions of child abuse and neglect

Summary: Logan comes home to worse than usual surroundings, and the only people he has to turn to don't understand. Things are worse than they have ever been, and Logan doesn't have anyone to push away this time. He doesn't have anyone willing to stick around long enough to _be_ pushed away.

* * *

"Staring out, into the world across the street. You hate the way your life turned out to be. He's pulling up in the driveway, and you don't make a sound. 'Cause you always learn to hold the things you wanna say. You're always gonna be afraid. There's only hate, there's only tears. There's only pain. There is no love here. Oh, so what will you do? There are only lies, there are only fears. There's only pain. There is no love here. Broken down, like a mirror smashed to pieces. You learn the hard way, to shut your mouth and smile. If these walls could talk they, would have so much to say. 'Cause every time you fight the scars are gonna heal, but they're never gonna go away."

-No Love by Simple Plan

* * *

The sun had long since set, the sky a dark, cloudy blue, and the snow was getting heavier.

Logan trudged down the slick sidewalk, fighting to see through the mess of snow currently blurring his vision. He shivered as his cheap substitute for a coat,-three jackets- did a half-ass job of keeping him even the slightest bit warm.

Oh if only he had seen through Kendall's stupid little ploy, then maybe he would have gotten home before the wretched weather he despised so much about this damned place had gotten worse.

Kendall had been ridiculous, and Logan wanted to be furious with him. He wanted to hate the kid from the bottom of his numbed, barely-beating heart; he just couldn't.

He wasn't even _mad_.

Today, the conversation, the screaming match, all the events leading up to this thought process even taking place had gotten him thinking about his life, his choices, and most of all, his past. Bitter memories he had no desire to remember flooded into his mind and he could have sworn the temperature dropped fifteen degrees just then.

The things Kendall had done for him, and the pain in Carlos' voice flashed through his mind, making a wave of guilt wash over him. Most of all, he thought back to James' words.

"_I don't act the way I do for no fucking reason! You have no idea what I have to go through! You haven't even talked to me since we were six so don't judge what I do!"_

_"Don't blame any of it on me, Logan. You stopped talking to me! What happened wasn't my fault! I was there for you and you shut me out, just like you shut everyone else out!"_

_"Because you won't tell me!"_

Logan stopped dead in his tracks, glaring down at his shoes. James didn't need to know a damn thing, not anymore. It would have done him no good anyway.

James couldn't help him. James couldn't make things better. James couldn't make _him_ better. No one could.

And that's why he was gone.

James was better off without him in his life. Then again, even with Logan's attempts to block him out, he had still seemed to fuck up his life pretty badly on his own.

_But all three of us promised ourselves we'd make something of ourselves. But then he had to leave. Why did he have to fucking leave? I needed him. I guess James did too._

Logan couldn't stop his mind now. He couldn't stop the memories from flooding back all at once, breaking down the wall he had built up to try and keep what little sanity he had left.

He thought back to a time when he and James had been the best of friends. He thought back to a time when they never could have imagined growing up like this, to live these sad little lives they lead, in the fucked up world they used to think was so beautiful.

And he thought back to a time when they never could have foreseen doing the one thing they had promised on a day-to-day basis they would never do; go their separate ways, and say those wretched words: "We aren't friends anymore."

He didn't want to think about this. Oh, how he didn't want to think about this ever again.

"_I'll always be here for you. That's what best friends are for. They just don't get it."_

"_I don't think you get it."_

"_Can you tell me?"_

"_No."_

Logan started to shake violently as too many memories hit him at once. His head was spinning and he honestly felt like time had stopped. He felt like he was going to die.

Or maybe he just wanted to.

"_Can you tell me?"_

"_No."_

A strong gust wind of tore through Logan's body painfully and snapped him back to cruel reality. He broke off into a jog as he roughly wiped his tears away with the sleeve of his jacket.

He certainly didn't want to be at home. This frigid weather was certainly no walk in the park, but it was still almost better than being home. Even so, he couldn't deny his desire to get inside and get warm.

After the long day he had just suffered through, all he wanted to do was crawl under his blankets, un-numb his limbs, and sleep the weekend away and pretend he didn't ever have to wake up.

_Maybe I won't wake up. I wish I wouldn't. I really fucking wish I wouldn't._

He stopped at his mailbox on his way to his door, though he was sure it was nothing major. He was sure the bills were paid.

When he opened the mailbox and pulled out a stack out of letters, however, his heart dropped in desperate confusion and fear. He power walked to the front door, but paused and took a deep breath.

"All the bills are paid." He murmured, assuring himself. "All the bills are paid." He repeated once or twice more as he filed through the letters.

Junk, junk, junk, junk, - he sighed in relief and smiled tiredly like a child who had just been calmed down after crying for hours.

And for the first time that day, actually, for the first time in Logan didn't know how long, he had a sincere smile on his face. He just wanted to sleep He just wanted to eat, get warm, and sleep. It's all he fucking wanted.

He unlocked the door and practically jumped inside, but his eyes went wide when he felt no change in temperature.

"W-what?" he asked, as if anyone was around to answer him.

His house was freezing. It was just as cold as it was outside. He shut the door. It made no difference.

He just wanted to burst out crying right then and there. He didn't understand what was going on and he was scared and aggravated and all he wanted were some fucking answers that he knew he had to find on his own.

He ran to his kitchen and started throwing bills and papers and trash and bottles off the counters, searching frantically for any indication of why it felt like snow was about to fall from his fucking ceiling, using his cellphone as a light.

Honestly, he regretted looking for it once he found it.

It was an open letter. He didn't recognize it. That must have meant one of his parents had been up and moving when he was off at school. That wasn't very common, unless they were doing something unsavory.

The ominous black typed words screamed in his head as he read them, and his tears smudged the ink. He didn't care. After he read it and reread it a few times, he was near hysterics and he was ripping it into tiny pieces.

The letter had been sent to them yesterday, warning them that if the bills weren't paid by today, the heating and electricity would be shut off.

Now he remembered, a little too clearly. A week ago he had been in a rush to pay the bills anyway he could, but so much was going on, and he was late to school- he told himself he'd do it after school.

He had had a bad day that day. When he came home he took some painkillers and he passed out.

He never paid the bills.

And the money that he had meant to use, the money Kendall had given to him that day in detention, he had used it for food. He had barely eaten in days. He was getting desperate. Kendall could see that. Kendall could see right through him, every fucking time.

Logan had no money to get his heating and lights turned back on, and even if he had the money, there would be nothing he could do about it tonight.

Logan just wanted to disappear.

Those moments when he just broke down crying for hours and he honestly felt like nothing could be done to fix anything; the days when he honestly felt like things could get any worse; he was having these days _every_ day lately, and he was so fucking sick of having to come home and deal with it every day.

He was so sick of waking up every morning trying to find just one reason why he should get up. He needed just one reason that his life was worth living. He needed something or someone to live for.

Sadly, that seemed to be far too much to ask for.

"No, no…" Logan fell to the floor, burying his face in his knees. He sobbed for he didn't know how long, and he didn't care. Nothing fucking mattered. It felt like it was twenty degrees in his house, it was near pitch black, and he had never felt so alone and helpless.

He put his hands on either side of him, about to get up, but instead found something that greatly caught his interest. Someone must have left a knife on the counter- it had actually probably been him himself.

He bit his lip, picking it up and running his finger over the blade, shuddering at the feeling. In one swift movement, he swiped the blade over his upper wrist, making a pained noise and ignoring the tears.

He did it again, and again. It was his escape. It was his mood stabilizer. There was something relaxing about cutting in the dark. He couldn't see what he was doing. He could pretend it wasn't real.

Nothing was real. Nothing except the pain that was keeping him grounded.

He was weak before he started doing it. Now he was just numb.

He sighed heavily, almost relieved that his breathing had slowed and his panic attack had passed, for the most part. He could feel the blood running down his arm and for some reason it relaxed him.

He let his head rest against the counter he was sitting against and he would have drifted off to sleep if violent shivers didn't jolt him awake every minute or two.

Finally though, he figured he should probably bandage his arm. He pulled himself up on shaky legs and walked to the bathroom. He pulled out his cellphone, waving it around to shine the let in the cabinet. He had nothing to cover the wounds.

He grunted in annoyance. Instead, he found some duct tape, placed some tissues on his cuts, and taped it. He had to make do. He was used to it anyway.

Afterwards, he walked to the stairs and lingered at the bottom, staring up at the darkness. He didn't need to do this…

Yet, somehow, he did.

He slowly made his way up the stairs, unfazed by the creaky floorboards and the spooky darkness. He had learned from a young age that the only thing he needed to be afraid of was the things he could actually see, not the bullshit his imagination created to scare him.

He had enough to worry about without monsters and ghosts.

He opened his parents' bedroom door and tiptoed in, tripping over empty and half empty pill containers and alcohol bottles.

He shook his mother awake.

"What?" she whined, swatting his hand away.

He hadn't heard her voice in days.

"M-mo- I…." He stopped himself before he called her mom. It hurt him too much to say that word anymore.

"We don't have electricity….or heat….You didn't pay the bills….Again…" Logan sounded so broken. He was.

"I've just been working so much lately. Work." Logan rolled his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time his mother had gone to work. "Taking care of you and your brother."

Logan choked, nearly starting to hyperventilate on the spot.

"_What?_!" Logan demanded, his voice low and stained with rage.

"Lee, go check on Logan. Find him something to do. We're so busy." His dad mumbled, rolling over. His mother seemed to have already drifted back off to sleep.

Logan was sobbing again at this point. He ran out and slammed the door as hard as he could and tripped over his feet on his way to his room.

He searched through his closet, throwing clothes everywhere and put on layers to keep warm, crying the whole time. He couldn't see. He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't fucking believe his parents had just called him Lee. They had done some pretty fucked up things to him in the past, but never once had they called him Lee.

He threw himself onto his bed, punching the mattress, crying into the cold pillow, breaking down all over again.

He hated his parents. He _hated _them.

He was sick of coming home to a practically empty house. He was sick of doing everything on his own. He was sick of getting no support, or sympathy, or care. He was sick of being sick of everything and everyone. He was sick of wishing he were dead. He was sick of being sick.

He had to teach himself everything, from cooking, to math, to learning how to take care of himself when he had the flu, to learning how to comfort himself when he felt this bad, to coping when someone he loved past away.

He just couldn't do it anymore.

He had broken down so many times. He had said this so many fucking times, but this time it was different. It felt so different.

He had always had something he was working towards, some goal he was trying to achieve. Now he had nothing. He needed something, and if the closest thing he had to a lover couldn't give him that reason to try, he was done.

'I really need you right now' He texted the message to Vanessa, and it took longer that he would have hoped to get a response.

'Horny bastard. Fine, I'm yours, babe.'

'Not like that!'

'Then what?'

'I'm just really depressed…'

'You always are, Logan. '

'Gee, that makes me feel better'

'Sorry, but it's true. I just wish you'd see that things could be worse'

'Not really'

'Well what happened?'

'You don't even care'

'Damnit Logan, I'm asking aren't I? You always say you don't want pitied.'

'I don't'

'Then what is it that you want?'

'I don't know, for you to actually care and be there for me? Sorry that it's too much to ask for'

'stop acting like a baby, Logan. Please. I don't like seeing you upset.'

'You're making me more upset.'

'You're the one who texted me'

'Well who the fuck am I supposed to go to? At least you're my first choice, but when I tell you, you don't even give a fuck'

'Well I don't know what you want!'

'I don't either. I guess I just want you to help….'

'That's kind of selfish'

'Sorry'

'Just don't hurt yourself'

'What if I already did?'

'Damnit, Logan'

'Did you expect any different?'

'No'

'Thanks'

'Just being honest.'

'I know'

'How bad?'

'Not as bad as it could be'

'That doesn't tell me much. As bad as it could be would be you being dead'

'Oh, that would be bad?'

'You're being a drama queen'

'I'm being honest'

'Are you that depressed?'

'Yes. I've told you this so many times….'

'What do you want? What will you do?'

Logan took in a shaky breath as he read the message, not sure of how to respond. He didn't know what he wanted, and he sure as hell didn't know what he was going to do. He just wished his friends would understand, for once.

They didn't even listen to him half the time. Well, it was about damn time for him to _make_ them listen.

'V seems to want to know why I'm depressed. You wanna fucking know? Because you guys don't listen to me half the time. I try to tell you all the time. Where in the hell do I even start with this? How about that my parents do pay the bills? How about the fact that I have to fucking sell drugs just so I don't freeze or starve. How about the fact that the called me Lee today? How about the fact that I might not wake up tomorrow because my house is about 15 degrees? How about the fact that I'm not sure I even want to wake up. How about the fact that I'm scared of the fact that I'm been thinking about suicide since I was around 7 and probably need to be on antidepressants but I can't afford them. How about that your guys don't like to talk about shit like this, so I have to keep it inside until it gets this bad. I want out of this fucking house. I swear, I'm so sick of hearing you guys complain about your parents. They don't let you do this, or they yell at you for that, or rules, or shit like that. At least they fucking care. At least they are trying to do something good for you even if you don't agree with it. I wish my parents would take me to a doctor, or check to see if I did my homework, or make sure I went to bed, or hell, to at least pay the fucking bills. But I'm not that fucking lucky, am I? You guys should appreciate them a little. But I'm probably just making an idiot out of myself, aren't I? At least you're all home in your warm houses in eating or watching TV or something right now. I'm wearing 5 layers of clothes, sitting in my pitch black freezing cold room. Oh, and one more thing? Guess who, of all people, upset me today? James. So that just makes life so much fucking easier."

He sent it before he chickened out, and sobbed into his pillow. He wanted to feel better now that he had gotten it all out, but truthfully, he didn't. He felt like an idiot for letting himself let his guard down and saying everything he had been bottling up. What could they do?

He took the picture he kept under his pillow out and stared at it sadly, crying harder and harder until he couldn't breathe.

"I just want you to be here…" Logan murmured, wishing more than anything he would get a response, but he knew it was impossible.

"You were gonna be something. You were gonna do something with your life. And thanks to you, so was I. You were perfect. I wanted to be just like you…. But then you left…. And I can't do it without you…."

Thinking about it hurt. Looking at his face hurt. He put the picture away and stared at his phone in his other hand, waiting.

He didn't check his phone until he felt his phone vibrate four times, signaling he had gotten a message from each of his "friends".

'I'm sorry, man. If I could do something I would, but I can't. it'll be okay….?' Well, Chris wasn't helping his emotional struggle, that was for sure.

'I am so high right now. What are we talking about?' Michael's text made him want to chuck his phone out the window.

'I'm really sorry. Chill, okay?' Duncan was handling the situation a little better…

'Baby I'm sorry. If I was there you'd feel better ;)' Logan rolled his eyes at how ridiculous Vanessa could really be.

He turned off his almost dead phone and threw it across the room, hearing it connect with the wall.

Sleep seemed so inviting, but his empty, growling stomach denied it. He rolled out of bed and hiked down the stairs, dizzy from crying and from the headache that had bestowed itself on him.

As it was pitch black, he went for the things he knew the exact location of, and gathered things in a clumsy rush. He sauntered over to the table and collapsed in a chair, blindly filling his stomach as much as he could.

He was so grateful that Kendall had given him that money back. He couldn't remember the last time he had actually had a choice in what to eat. It was kind of unreal to him, and he just wished he could enjoy it more, but in his current state, it just wasn't possible.

He knew he needed to save food. He knew it wouldn't last more than a few days, and he shouldn't eat over half of it now, but just for once, he needed to indulge. Just for once, he needed to do something for himself, and not deny himself of every single fucking good thing in life.

He ate until he felt sick, and finally laid his head down on the table and silently cried.

He was so sick of having to worry about all of this every day. He was sick of going through this hellish cycle every damn day.

This wasn't like before. This was different. This was more real.

He didn't have friends and family who cared this time.

This time, he didn't have anyone to push away.

Logan stared out the window for a few seconds before a small smile graced his lips.

He had made his decision. He was taking the risk of a lifetime. He wanted out.

He was done.

* * *

I don't really have much to say for this chapter, other than it hurt my heart to write it, and I hope you guys love it as much as I do.


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